Finallygotaroundtoit, I disagree. A child's relationship with their father should not be dependent upon the mother's personal feelings towards that father, IMO, and as long as the father is not being unpleasant and causing stress at the scans (and it is pretty explicit here that he is not - I agree that anything that stresses a pregnant woman should be avoided if at all possible, and that nobody has a right to be at the birth, come what may) then yes, actually, I think it important he attend. Bonding starts in utero for most women, and many men. You may feel it has to be two-way, but I disagree. I don't think it does at all. Just speak to anyone who has had a stillbirth. The notion you can't bond because it wasn't two-way doesn't hold up, I don't think. It seems a very rigid definition.
And a father's right to be on a child's birth certificate should not be dependent on the mother's whims, either. If the father is abusive, then no, he doesn't have that right, but otherwise I have no idea on this planet as to how you can justify that statement. The birth certificate is a formal recognition of someone's parentage and identity. It is not an ownership document. I find the failure to separate out the needs and rights of the child, and the needs and wishes of the mother inherent in regarding it as such to be, quite bluntly, repugnant. Short of actual abuse, nobody outside has the right to determine what does or does not go on inside a relationship, and you are advising a real person here on decisions that may affect her child for life, with an awful lot of conclusions being leapt to on very sparse information.
Solid I agree, but we don't have a scrap of evidence that that is what this guy is doing. All we have is: heated row in which he said if she tried to take the child away completely he'd go to court. Yes, that is arsey and not remotely constructive; no, of course he shouldn't have said it, but it was apparently in response to being told by his pregnant gf that she was dumping him and that he had no rights concerning the baby, as they weren't married. People in relationship breakdowns have horrible fights. Hell, people in relationships do. I am, truly, not an advocate for women meekly taking shit. I've told women on MN a stack of times to get shot of aggressive, scary, or just abusive men. But we don't have enough info here, IMO, to say that's what is happening. I think it's a bad idea to encourage someone to take huge steps without asking for more info (not saying you, specifically, just in general). Obviously some men use the legal system to bully and harass exes and don't give an airbourne fornication about their kids, but frankly I think it helps everyone if people considering a breakup, when kids are involved, don't start off antagonists. If at all possible. And while I am well aware some men make that impossible (vivid memories of my father swearing down the phone at my mother for no good reason, a decade after he married someone else) I think asssuming that a poster's P or H is that type and advising accordingly is a bit iffy.