dont really know where else to post - this is very long and probably very tedious

[ExeterisEasy]

been in rl with OH for nearly 7 years. over the last 2 years or so its become really really difficult, he's out every night (literally every night - 5 nights a week) after work at the pub and no im not being an unreasonable bitch its not an hour and a quick pint its 3 or 4 pints and getting back at half ten/11 pm. ive then got to cook his tea. i dont have to but if i dont he wont eat and will get drunker/nastier/ill from not eating. (i dont need a lecture on that point). its my daughters birthday tomorrow (well today) and as live a long way away from all my/her family (300 miles) they have all sent her some prezzies. i wanted her to come down tomorrow morning to see a nice pile of gifts, ive got a few balloons and a banner etc (shes only 8) nothing much as i dont have much money. he's been awful awful about it. telling me how much i "hang on" to "extended family" because im desperate for their hand outs. telling me how much its disgusting that she has got "so much" when its just a "birthday". she got a lot. i mean its more than i would have got at her age but its a present off her dad, my sister, a joint one off my neices who are 17 13 and 7, a couple off my mum and dad, a couple off her dad's mum and dad, a big one (a cd player) and a couple of cds/dvds off her dad, some colouring pencils/books etc. it ain't a 26foot trampoline a minimoto or a trip to disneyworld. he was coming over picking up the tags making horrible comments about me only staying with him because i needed his money or needed money and gifts off my daughters "extended family" because i couldnt make her happy on my own. im so so so so angry and i know it wont change. this isnt unusual. there is always something, either im too fat or my hair isnt right or ive not cleaned up enough or i embarassed him in the supermarket or im not dressed right blah blah blah. its normal. i dont even know what im asking/if im asking anything.

my only way out would be to ask my ex husband (dds dad) to lend me some money to get away and rent a house. wtf am i meant to do :-(

YOu have not got much money because the asshole drinks it all.

If he didn't drink so much spending up to £20 a night drinking five nights a week you would have more money.

Stop allowing him to treat you like shit, you are clearly scared of him, cooking for him at such a late hour, I'd tell him to get his own fucking dinner.

The guy is an abusive bully.

Do you really want to continue to live with such a horrible man?

I have no friends because of an ex partner and now only have my son, he goes to Uni in October where I will be left with no one, you don't want that.

You are young enough to get out and start again.

Talk to your ex partner and ask his advice at least.

No one should begrudge a child birthday presents.

OP- you sound lovely and it makes me so sad that this man is treating you so. Go home to your family. I bet DD's dad and your family will be overjoyed to have you both closer.

Good luck.

this man is an abusibe bully, with a black, black heart

you need to get away from him before he destroys you completely and then starts on your daughter

however you can manage it, you must

abusive

He is HORRIBLE

and he is going to destroy your little girl's confidence and happiness as she grows up, just as he is doing to you.

Please, PLEASE swallow your pride right now and let her dad, her granny and her aunt help your daughter. Tell them what's going on. How would you feel if this was your daughter in years to come? How would you feel to know that she and your granddaughter were stuck in this mess and felt they couldn't let you help?

You sound like a woman who takes responsibility for her actions, refusing so far to borrow from your parents. You must be on pretty good terms with your DD's dad for it to be a possibility that you could borrow from him. That's really impressive, lots of people aren't. He must think highly of you! You're coming across as a pretty quality person here! I would guess that all these people will gladly lend money to you as they will KNOW that you will pay it back.

Get on the phone and ask for help. In a month's time you could be out of there, back up north, with your little girl settling into a new life surrounded by loving family and you on the way to getting a new job and getting back on your feet. No matter what she says now your DD will thank you for it when she's older. And whatever you borrow now will be repaid in both money and gratitude ten times over. Your family will be so relieved that you've asked them!

Do you want your sweet little girl to live with, marry and stay in a relationship with a man like this?

That is what you are teaching her is the right thing to do by staying with this nasty man.

not only do i think you should leave him, because he is abusive and you and your daughter deserve better, i also think you should report his drinking and driving to the police before he kills somebody.

oh dear lord, this is awful, I couldn't stand it for a minute longer
speak to CAB, womens aid, do you work?
You are not married to him, you don't have children, just leave.
Starting over is a bit scary, but isn't life with him scarier?!!

Exeter you sound such a lovey person, please don't let this nasty horrible man ruin the rest of your life. You say DD loves him, well she may do but that is only because she doesn't know how he talks to and treats her Mummy.

Please go back to your family. They obviously love you are your DD so much. You deserve to be around people who love you and make you happy.x

NO he can't afford her presents because HE wastes all HIS money on booze. I couldn't believe your post-what a f**ing tosser. He is an alcoholic, controlling, abusive weed and this has really made me mad.

I feel sorry for you but you should've got out of this relationship a long time ago! I wouldn't let someone stop me from seeing friends and put me down so much.

I'm taking it that his behaviour was reasonable before he started drinking?

Like the other posters suggest, contact women's aid they can house you.

Good luck and remember you don't need someone like this. Maybe if he stopped the drinking and was well again you can think about rebuilding your relationship (if you want to).

Look OP, you can get special doo-dads for removing spiders (yup even the big fatties) from your bath if that's what's keeping you back.

Seriously though, he is a horrible, horrible man. The way he speaks to you is hateful, he obviously has an alcohol problem and what kind of person resents a child's birthday presents?

Please do contact women's aid, they are very helpful. And if your family are loving/supportive then contact them and ask for their help.

I know hostels aren't great, but surely they are better than you and your daughter living in fear?

Good luck to you.

Why not think about it from this perspective - if your daughter contacted you with a story like this, how would react?

I bet you would move heaven and earth to help. If your family are loving and supportive they will want to do the same for you. Don't feel like you are sponging.

He obviously has a problem with alcohol, do you really want to be stuck with him in years to come nursing him with liver damage?
It really is only a matter of time before he starts taking out his dislike of you (yes dislike!) on your daughter!
And by the way Betterware sell a super spider catcher!

Just wondering how you are exeter?

Are you ok Exeter? Please post something so we don't worry.

He calls you fat ass repeatedly? And the drinking! Ok, it's time to get out. Leave please! This guy is a ticking bomb. Before you or your daughter end up in hospital with broken limbs - or worse. Take what belongs to you and your little girl, and GO. Don't forget your and her ID, bank account statements, personal documents.

Am I guessing right if I say that the reason why your bank account has so little is that this bloke controls what you have in your account - so you can't leave? I would have thought that in your situation you should have more than that from benefits and credits. Who is receiving the child benefit? - please tell me it's not him. (You can get Citizens Advice Bureau and Refuge to help you sort all that out).

Go to your parents, or a relative or friend. Take a National Express coach - they can be cheap if you choose the cheaper time slot. Ring your parents, your exH, a friend, any relative - they can help you buy the tickets online and you can pay them back later.

Please read this.

refuge.org.uk/about-us/prevention-and-education/campaigns/early-warning-signs/

I really wouldn't advise you to wait till next month, or even next fortnight.

OP, your posts have made me really sad. You need to get away from him as soon as possible, he is abusing you and is also showing your daughter how it is acceptable to be treated within a relationship.

I had to get help from Women's Aid when my DS was only 4 weeks old. I was abused, exhausted and terrified but looking at my baby I knew I had to get out. I stayed in a refuge for 3 months and it was much better than I thought it would be. I was given alot of practical help with benefits, legal advice, rehousing etc and nearly 3 years later I'm so much happier. I too had no confidence, had never really been on my own without a man and didn't know how I'd cope. But now I can assemble furniture, mow a lawn, decorate, all things I never dreamed I'd be able to do. I'm also doing a degree so now I know I wasn't stupid and useless after all, he was the one with the issues.

It isn't easy sometimes but I would never trade being a single mum to my lovely DS for being with anyone who treated us less than we deserve. You and your daughter deserve better. Reach out and get some help.

Ladies, should we be worried that Exeter (OP) hasn't posted a single word since early hours of Tuesday morning?

Exeter, please type at least just one word so we know you're there.

Was thinking the same southof hoping she's been swept up in dd's birthday celebrations

Where are you exeter? Hope alls well

malibustac - she seems to have gone. Sent a PM. Hope she's ok.

Exeter - you ok?