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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't think there's anything left to call it a relationship.

9 replies

lookingfoxy · 18/04/2011 17:07

Dp moved out, we were still meant to be seeing each other but not living together, in a bid to save what we had, as I had a lot of issues with him leaving everything at his arse and expecting me to pick up the slack, that with sex life being virtually non existant and him generally not taking part in family life unless he felt like it. So a lot of resentment from me!
We lived together for 5 years.

We used to always have a couple of drinks on a friday night, get some music on and have a laugh. This has not happened since he moved out, he refuses to have a drink with me unless me and ds go to his place (happened once and thats only if he has nothing better to do), I know alcohol is not giving the best example, but were very limited due to lack of babysitters.

If he comes to visit, im lucky if he's in for a half hour then itching to get away again and generally we really don't have much to talk about. He tends to come to see ds and then leave or will take ds out somewhere then drop him off then leave. Never really any 'us' time.

He's just called there and asked about my day, I was telling him about being at an induction for a new job im starting soon and he cut me off half way through and said he had to go and would pop up later (only because he has my phone charger and I really need it).

I just feel there's nothing left between us, sex life hasn't improved, communication is worse than it was before, I think 'd'p really just hasn't ended it out of a sense of duty and of course we are close to each others families etc.

Im not sure if im looking for advice or just clarify my thoughts with some feedback!

OP posts:
islandgirl1 · 18/04/2011 17:35

Title of your post says it all foxy. From his behaviour towards you since moving out it would seem that the only contact he is interested in with you is re your DS. How do you feel about calling it a day completely? From what you say it sounds like life may be easier without him around expecting you to pick up after him. No bad thing IMHO. All the best xx

lookingfoxy · 18/04/2011 17:39

Thanks, life is easier for me now and it was me that instigated him moving out.
I think its just finding the words isnt it, he said something daft the other day then said 'oh you'll still be reminding me of that in 30 years time'.
But his actions say opposite?!

OP posts:
lookingfoxy · 18/04/2011 22:24

.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 18/04/2011 22:48

So you're expected to live this half life, with a half relationship, for the next 30 years eh? What a ghastly thought.

FabbyChic · 19/04/2011 00:17

Sounds more like that he has moved on from you to be honest, not wanting to spend quality time with you, only coming to visit the child and for half an hour.

Could it be he prefers living alone, very much sounds that way.

If you cannot address your differences and nothing has changed is there any hope for the future?

You may just find you would be better apart.

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 00:20

Has he found someone else ?

But yes, I agree...nothing to hang on to here

Just make the final cut, sounds like you would both be happier

Is he waiting for you to do it ?

fortyplus · 19/04/2011 00:22

He's moving on and just paying lip service to your relationship. I think it's likely he's already seeing someone else and hasn't yet plucked up the courage to say so.

lookingfoxy · 19/04/2011 07:49

I think that he just either wants me to end it or in some way expects me to live with these crumbs whilst he comes and goes as he pleases, he asked me to help him with his shopping last night as he doesn't really know (too lazy to think about it) what to buy for dinners, lunches etc and ends up living on takeaways.

I said yes because he knows I feel bad about telling him to leave, Im wondering if he is seeing how much he can get away with before I snap as this is what he was like when we lived together.

For what its worth, I don't think he's seeing someone else and tbh, would I be bothered if he was......I don't think I would be, and thats from a very jealous person, aye think its over.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 08:04

oh no, help with his shopping ?

what is he ? 90 years old ? is he always so pathetic ? did he move straight from mummy's apron strings to yours ?

come on love, cut him loose properly

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