Sick of Partners attitude! How do I address it?

[MilkandWine]

Have woken up feeling really down after a trip out with my DP of 4 years yesterday and I honestly feel like the situation is totally draining the life out of me.

Basically he is a total moaner about everything, I can't describe it any other way! He winges and winges and winges and I'm fed up with it.

For example while we were in the car somebody cut him up. This sparked off a rant which lasted for the next 5 minutes and involved numerous F words, calling the other driver every name under tha sun. He even made a comment about how the other driver was in a van advertising his patio cleaning company and how if he was so pathetic as to own a patio cleaning company he would kill himself! (Meanwhile I'm sitting there thinking 'well at least he owns his own business, it's more than you do despite constantly talking about doing it'), horrid of me I know.

Then there was the rant about the road near the beach being blocked because there was a car boot sale on in the field and people were leaving in droves. I honestly must have asked him to please stop being horrible and ranting about people at least 6 times in 2 hours! Not to mention asking him to stop swearing dozens of times. I mean I swear but the use of the F word every 5 minutes just isin't acceptable IMO.

Maybye it is a really small thing and I am making a big deal of it? I just want to feel like when we spend time together he is enjoying my company. Whereas I feel like all his energy is going into getting short tempered with everyone around us.

It is exhausting me. He says himself he is 'Hightly strung' and his family all joke about what a bad temper he has. I'm bloody fed up with it TBH.

Feel a bit better for having a rant myself though, thanks for reading.

any dc in all this??
maybe its time to get out of it......

was the child with you while he was f** everybody along the way?
I feel for you. I have a couple of friends that have been going on like this for ever. He is always angry at the world, I've know him over 20 years so I know he has always been like it. He used to be a very angry man (from childhood) while now he is actually quite happy about his life, but is is in the habit (to put it mildly) of being against to world. Hard work. Is your partner happy about his life and work or does it feel like he had it hard and he is the type who always put off things, procrastinate, get in trouble with timetable, arrangements and money?
If it just a bad habit he need to grow up from it there may be hope, in the latter case.... b**lody hard work and cannot see things improving

BluddyMoFo-I never really saw this side of him for years. It only started coming out when we moved in together 2 years ago and is getting steadily worse.

We have no children, just me and him.

BoxingHelena-No he isin't happy with his life, we don't have much money and he is the sort which puts a lot of emphasis on money being the source of happiness and so on. He talks about setting up a business (he currently works for a swimming pool company but says he is going to set up a rival firm) It hasen't happened yet though.
We bought a house last year that needs work doing and he has done bugger all to it despite talking about it a lot. We have no money but even the jobs he could be doing don't get done. For example he started rendering the wall in the back yard 4 weeks ago but hasen't touched it since (and he's a builder and qualified bricklayer!).

So yes I would say he is a master of procrastination! He is very good with money though, never runs up debt or anything like that.

I find it hard to deal with as although in my 20s I was probably a right moaning minny myself I have grown out of it now I'm in my early 30's. I just see life as being too short to waste on constantly carping and complaining. Yes life isin't perfect but surely we should try and live it as fully as we can while we are here?

I'm thinking maybye a trip to his GP could be in order? Maybye he needs something to help calm him down? How do you say that to someone without upsetting them though?

Perpetual whingers are often very immature - that whole "life's not fair" attitude is a hangover from childhood, I think. It's possible he just needs a bit of life experience to get beyond it.

But you don't say what his redeeming features are. Does he have any? Enough to be able to cope with the moaning?

Hassled- well he is only 26 so yes I think a lot of it is immaturity. He is still at the life isin't fair stage whereas I am still at the 'Get on with it' stage.

Oh he has lot's of redeeming features as well. He doubles me over with laughter sometimes, he is so funny. He is very loyal and devoted to family and friends. He helps me out loads taking me to work etc cos I don't drive. Last year I lost my job and he paid my ponies livery for me for 4 months so that I could keep him and he didn't really have the cash to spare yet still gave me it.

I worry for him as much as myself as I think being so angry and wound up all the time can't be good for your health?. It is a destructive way to be and I think it would benefit him immensely if he could move past it.