Anyone else find it hard to get on with step-parent after the death of their own parent.

[Meglet]

Dad died almost a year ago and I'm not sure there's much of a relationship with my step-mum.

They were together for nearly 20 years but we were never that close and she is quite cold (but not nasty IWSWIM). We still see her most weeks as we live in the same town but without Dad it just feels like we're going through the motions.

Does / did anyone else find their relationship with their step-parent fizzled out a bit after their parent died?

My dad's terminally ill and I was wondering the exact thing myself yesterday, whether I'd maintain the relationship with my step-mum after he's gone.

They've been together 20 years too and whilst I get on well with her, I can't say that we've ever been especially close and I'm not sure that there's enough of a bond to keep the relationship going.

Fortunately we're not in the same town, so it will probably be a case of just sending birthday, xmas cards.

But if you feel like you're just going through the motions can you not pull back a little and see what happens?

Unless it's taking up a disproportionate amount of your time I don't see what's wrong with "going through the motions".

You are both grieving for the same person and you may find you reach a stage where you can talk together about your dad in a way that helps you both.

Why would you "pull back?" Just see as much or as litle of her as normal, send cards etc. You don't have to invest extra time but don't push her away. You can't have too many people in your life can you?

I have a better relationship with mine since my dad died. Mind you it was 20 years ago, before there was always a hint of resentment from her. Now we get on much better. Shame it took the death of my dad/her husband though.