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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My mum and my wedding...

5 replies

Karbea · 17/04/2011 22:13

My mum is a middle child she has an older and younger sister.

I am getting married for the 2nd time in a few weeks time.

We are getting married in a registry office and can only invite 40 people Inc us. We decided not to invite kids as most of our friends have one or two children. My younger aunty has a daughter who is 10.
We sat down with my parents and agreed that we would invite friends and only mums and dads and brothers.
Anyway since then my mum has been thinking of ways that my cousin can be invited, flower girl, only invite my aunt, uncle and cousin etc. We invited them to the eve where there is no restriction on no's.
My mum normally talks to my aunt or uncle everyday, but since I sent out my invites she hasn't heard from them. Everyone has replied except a few lesser close friends and my aunties.
I spoke to my mum earlier and I asked her what she and my dad were doing at esater, she said that one thing she will do is make piece with my aunts, and make it clear to them that it isn't her fault they aren't invited ato the day, explain she had said my cousin could be a flower girl etc. I said well I hope you aren't going to blame it on me, she said she doesn't know what to say or something like that, so I said well only 40 people will be allowed, can't invite her coz of the president it would set, not practical to have kids in central London etc.
My mum just can't see it, she said she doesn't want to fall out with me or her, but evrytime I talk to her I burst into tears as soon as I put the phone down, my OH and I have only argued about my mum etc.

What should I do, I feel totally at a loss.

I think my mum is being unreasonable, they are rude to not reply, even if it was to say can't come as can't get a baby sitter, or too far to come just for the eve or something....

I'm so upset. What should I do?

Xx

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 17/04/2011 22:22

I would go and see Aunt or phone her and say kindly you have very limited numbers for the wedding and you hope they aren't taking it personally because you'd hate for them to be upset. And you cannot wait to see them at the 'do'.

Don't refer to this flower girl thingy unless they do and then calmly say this appears to be your mother, she's struggled to understand to 40 only situation. Then smile.

I don't think you can trust your mother to tell them straight - she's so far proved incapable of that.

If they still act arsey - well that's their issue.

anonymosity · 17/04/2011 22:30

I agree with Pancake. Your mum made a bit of a mess of things, making presumptions and promises. Direct contact from you is the answer.

zikes · 17/04/2011 22:32

Yes, I agree, I think you should talk to your aunt/uncle yourself and explain the situation. Hopefully mollify them a bit if you explain yourself.

sonearsofar · 18/04/2011 13:22

poor you. Pancake is right, I would do what she suggests. Then move on and have a lovely wedding.
I remember at my brother's wedding, he didn't want to invite my parent's friends to the reception, so my parents set up an impromptu bar from the boot of their car in the church car park. Weird.

sonearsofar · 18/04/2011 13:30

why have you posted this on 2 forums?

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