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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

out of my depth

3 replies

Doha · 17/04/2011 22:07

My DB lives hundreds of miles from me. He has had a very dyfunctional childhood subjected to alcohol abuse and domestic abuse of our DM by his DF (not mine).
He is damaged goods and he admits this.
Tonight he has phoned me in tears-his marriage is in tatters. He lives for his girls and doesn't want to split as being away from his DD's is his worst nightmare. he does everything for them and is aware that should him and hai DW split it is likely she will get residency. I don't know what to do for him.
He does need counselling about his childhood but l also think him and my DSIL need marriager guidance from relate (if she will go).
I have suggested that if she won't go (and l won't hold my breathe) that he goes alone. I don't know how to access this or if it is a different type of counsellor he needs about his childhood issues.
I feel helpless being so far away and am desperatly worried about him.
Can anyone give me any advice that l can pass onto him

OP posts:
hairylights · 17/04/2011 22:20

His gp will put him on the waiting list fir counselling, is he in a position to pay for private counselling?

Doha · 17/04/2011 22:25

Yes Hairy he is more than able to pay and would willingly do so if he could get it quickly.
Thanks for replying

x

OP posts:
Patienceobtainsallthings · 17/04/2011 22:31

If he is ready to start to deal with his issues ,then counselling would be great .Imo you do this for yourself,get it all out your system and start to work through things.Just showing his wife he is commited to doing some "Me "work might save his marriage or give them another chance.I think this stuff is too emotional to then do relationship counselling at the same time.Don't know what their problems are but if he commits to working on his own issues ultimately he will have more peace in his head .Any person that takes time to work on their own emotional development is to be praised .

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