Visiting my mum.

[prettypurpledaisy]

A bit of history, my lovely mum had a stroke at the end of January. Between my brother and I we visited her everyday while she was in hospital. The change in her since the stroke is very distressing for both my brother and I. Suffice to say she is not the woman who bought us up.

For the last three weeks she has been in a residential home and because my brother works in town I have visited every night in the week and he does weekends.

I know it sounds really awful but I dont want to visit everyday but feel really guilty when I dont go. When she was well i saw her two or three times a week.

I work as a teacher and as a single mum have two dcs both of which are studying for GCSEs ( one year 11 one year 9) my dd doesnt mind visiting but ds finds it really hard he was close to his Gran and doesnt like the change.

So MN jury should I just get on with it and accept my lot or fix on two or three days a week?

Fix on two or three days a week, at the end of the day you do have family of your own, they should be your priority. One week do Tues and Thurs, the next Mon, Wed and Fri.

Give yourself some respite too.

Is she compos mentis (sorry about spelling - tired)? Is she still your mum inside, if not outside? Is she aware you are there? Are your visits a comfort to her? Can you talk to the staff about it, about the best thing to do? I should think they would be the best people to talk to - they've probably seen this many times over and know what works best for all concerned. Depending on how long she is in there, you need to pace yourself.

Sorry about your mum though OP - it must be upsetting for you and your family (hug)

ps sorry for all the q's!

It does sound unsustainable. I think you should let yourself off the hook a bit and see her a couple of times a week.

Mum has lost most of her cognition since the stroke and although she recognises us when we visit she doesn't remember names and talks about my dad as if he were still alive. She expects a daily visit and gets annoyed if I don't go (my brother has a busy life apparently).

I find it really hard to visit as she is so different from what she was, and it is a chore rather than a pleasure. I know I should be grateful she is still with me but it is hard.

Thanks for the replies.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum PPD.

Would your brother be able to manage 3 visits a week and you do the same? Then visits are shared out a bit more equally but your mum will have a visitor nearly every day.