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Original poster

teenager hates my partner

9 replies

jackie1234 · 15/04/2011 15:36

We have recently been through a bereavement - our mother (1yr ago) and my teenager (sister) hates my partner, and is rude to him to the point of embarrassment. She resents me spending time with him and I cant even have him in the house because I know it will lead to arguments. My teen wants me to choose between them and this is impossible and I dont think i should have to. My teen has a boyfriend too and sees him whenever she likes. She wants me to be on call for her and have no life of my own. HELP. I am worrying myself sick.

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 15/04/2011 16:51

I don't understand the first part of your post. But you can't compare a teenage relationship and an adult one. The very fact that you say 'my teenager has a boyfriend, so why can't I?' is a bit odd actually.
How long has he been your boyfriend? ANd how was he introduced to her? Has she any relationship with her dad? You're right that you shouldn't have to pick between them, and in wanting you to be her slave of course she is being unreasonable. But do you know her concerns? They might be very valid.

SingingTunelessly · 15/04/2011 17:35

So the teenager in question is your sister not daughter? Errr, sorry but if that is the case really can't see why your sister is sticking her nose into your relationships? Or am I missing something? Confused

TheVisitor · 15/04/2011 17:38

She sounds terrified that you're going to leave her, as you're now her mother figure. Have either of you had any bereavement counselling? Might be worth looking into. x

Cymar · 15/04/2011 21:12

Has she actually told you that she wants you to be 'on call' for her as and when she wants?

FabbyChic · 15/04/2011 21:31

Sorry is this your teenager or your sister who is a teenager.

Does she live with you?

Original poster
jackie1234 · 19/04/2011 09:17

Hi all
just to explain. Our mother passed away and I am now my sister's guardian.

OP posts:
ValiumBandwitch · 19/04/2011 13:31

I'd say have a stern word with her and first tell her that you love her and want her to do well in life and that you want to be her guardian but, but you are not going to sacrifice your own life/relationship/routine for what is a whim of hers! I mean, what does she want? that you throw your partner out to satisfy her whimsical mandate???

Also, I think it's important to learn coping skills that aren't just simply kicking a random dog /brother-in-law.

Kick-boxing, counselling, art............ she needs to let it out. But not by being horrible to somebody else. That would be a bad pattern to let her slip into.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 19/04/2011 13:43

Why does she say she doesn't like him? Are the reasons valid or is she being churlish? What does your boyfriend think of the situation?

Is she receiving any counselling? If not maybe some could be accessed through school/college/GP?

I think you need to set boundaries - things you do and don't find acceptable. What help you will provide her and what you expect her to do in terms of pulling her weight.

sausagesandmarmelade · 20/04/2011 20:37

She is sounding very insecure....bereavement does strange things to people.

She may be afraid that your DP will take you away from her...

I think you should take time out to get to the bottom of things....and find out why she resents him so much.

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