paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife ·
15/04/2011 13:11
Regular but name changed, sorry gonna be a long one. Back story, before I met DH I was in an awful relationship, exP cheated on me constantly. Always lying, always making me feel like I was unreasonable and going crazy for thinking these things. It got so bad i ended up in hospital and my 2 DC's nearly ended up with no mum.
Fast forward to now, DH and been married over 10 years, he's a good man and a great father to the older Dc's and our younger ones. We had a slight blip about 7 years ago when a girl rang me who DH had recently let go from work. She said DH had sacked her because she wouldn't have sex with him anymore and now he was sleeping with another member of his staff. It shocked me to the core and we had long talks about everything, but my initial reaction was to laugh at her and trust my DH. He'd already talked about how he'd let her go and she wasn't right for the job, she was escorting in the evenings which he said was grim.
I'd been on and off antidepressants for years, and was definitely back on them by them, and to be honest have stayed on them since as I don't want to be on a rollercoaster of my own nutty emotions all the time. Had a tough year with birth trauma issues and a refluxy baby who still doesn't sleep well, (almost 1) and I know I'm stressy and hard to live with, often withdrawn or grumpy.
I think DH is having a mid life crisis, he even thinks he might be, he's become obsessed with keeping fit, jogging (with DS riding along next to him) and weights etc. I can't cope with the weights, it's caused loads of arguements but I feel physically sick when I even think of him doing them. ExP and DF both used to do weights and work out lots whenever they were cheating, often in both cases. The jogging I can cope with as it's good to keep fit, but he doesn't need it, far lovlier than me, I've aged 15 years in the last 12m I think!
I've become obsessed with the thought he's having some sort of affair with someone at his work. He's a very good looking man and admits (under pressure from me) that most women working with him like him, but he has a great working realationship with all his staff and they are all very loyal, a key to his sucess he says. I know his asst manager likes him a lot and he knows to try keep certain boundaries as she's going through a rough time with her DH cheating. But I'm also concerned about a girl 12 yrs younger than him (has a 1yr old and a partner) who recently sent him a drunken text saying he should go out more with them.
He never goes out apart from the pub round the corner with DBiL and his best friend from school. He doesn't really socialise with any of them outside work apart from team meetings etc, recently bought them all a drink at a local pub to say thanks for support during company restructuring.
He's admitted to deleting texts of drunken gobledygook from her on occasions. Our youngest Dc was chewing on his iPhone yesterday and set of the music, dialled a random nonsense number so i took it off her. There were a few unread texts on there, 1 was from her asking about what time to meet tomorrow, I didn't open it and read the whole thing, wish I had though, some meeting with a new area manager apparently, all staff had to come in and meet him today. I did try to read it late last night but he's deleted it, again he said it didn't mean anything, just wants to not have things that will wind me up. We had a big blow up when he came to bed. I have stupid visions of him cheating with her, in the office before others turn up, meeting in the the car early mornings etc. Just can't shake them, The feelings are killing me, I feel like I did many years ago, he said he's not my ex and behaving like this will kill our relationship. He can't stand be accused all the time. What the hell can I do to snap out of this?