I could really use some help and a sympathetic ear

[reallyneedsomehelp]

Over the last 3 years I've become way to close to a man who should be "just a friend". We're both in very long marriages. Perhaps not exciting, but I do consider DH my best friend.

I've known OM for about 15 years, but recently we've spent much more time together (with our DC) through a shared sporting interest.

Anyway over the last few weeks we've both acknowledged that we have feelings that go much deeper than friendship and shared a few very passionate kisses (madness and I've very ashamed). We have now (belatedly) accepted that nothing more must ever happen and I'm so sad about it.

I don't want anything to happen, I love DH and our DC and want a happy stable family life more than anything. It has been good to feel attractive/wanted/funny though and DH and I have had a rough time since I discovered he was keeping secrets from me (an addiction, not harmful to me or DC and not other women) which I guess I've used as an excuse.

Since things "finished" with my friend, I swing between, relief and devastation and am either crying or in a foul mood with DC and DH, often in a rage.

What can I do to distract myself (think about him constantly) get some sleep and put this all behind me, for the sake of my family and my own sanity?

Poor DH thinks I'm so upset because of what he did and DC think their behaviour is upsetting me

Please try not to judge me. I've been married more than 20 years and would have judged myself until recently. I really don't know how this happened, I always thought it could never happen to me, that I wasn't the type, could never be involved in anything like this etc. I certainly didn't set out to feel like this and I'm trying to do the right thing now.

I can't avoid my friend, I am committed to sit next to him and his DS for at least another season. DH would want to know why I've paid for the (expensive) season ticket not to use it and DC would be upset not to sit with them.

Can't you get some one else to take dc and say it's perfect houseworlk / me time? get grandparents to go? say that a bit of quality time just for you will help pick you up a bit and, ooh look, here's when the dc are entertained so someone could take them to this commitment and you go to the beauticians, do ironing, whatever? plausible enough to avoid om?

and, fwiw, marriage, even the run of the mll, everything's fine, sort of marriage, can be a bit of a grind and humdrum, but try to fix things and make them better and get om out of picture somehow before things get worse?

I could vary, but DH would think I'd lost the plot - DCs aren't really that bothered and go only so that I can go (ie I can call it family time rather than me time)

I think it's a really bad idea to continue seeing the OM so regularly if you want to stop what was happening between you. Too easy to fall back into it.

So if you have to explain why you won't be using the season ticket, maybe you will have to say you were feeling attracted to the OM, but you didn't want to cheat and you've stopped it. At least you could get things in the open and start dealing with why it happened.

Hmm, so the activity thing is something for you rather than the dc's? Could you take a friend or someone with you too, just so you don't get opportunity to be alone with OM?