Possible abuse possible cry wolf

[festeringonthis]

I've been festering on this one for a few days but can't get it out of my head so could do with some advice. Have name changed as you'll see its not really my secret to share

I have a friend - well really more an acquaintance, a mum at the school gates, occassionally once every couple of weeks we'll grab a coffee with other mums, I don't have her mobile/email we literally see each other only at the gates since September. To be blunt she is a notrious storyteller, she has always seen it all, done it all, and probably 10 times bigger, better, worse than anyone else. She is loud, a little bit mad and totally OTT but actually I like her company but agin being blunt in small doses, I haven't actively encouraged a deeper friendship.
Anyway about 2 weeks ago we went for coffee with only one other mother who she knows a bit better and seemingly out of nowhere she announced she wanted to divorce her husband, he was abusive (based on what she'd say more verbal and emotional not necessarily physical), he wouldnt touch her for sex and she needed out. She was scared he wouldn't let her go - divorce would probably mean she'd move back to her home country (USA) and take kids and he wouldnt want that. He was controlling her money, and monitoring her telephone and her email (she let slip something that implied she was in correspondence with another bloke but I'm assuming no more than that). Of course we were sympathetic, offered various advice and told her to call on us if she needed help. But then nothing ---- saw her last week, and asked how she was and it was "husband driving her mad, but he's a sweet guy and she loves him" but we were with a much bigger group of people.

So I guess the real point is part of me doesnt believe her - as I say she has often told some outrageous stories, but what if the one time she is being genuine with a cry for help I just write it off and ignore what could be a potentially horrible situation. I don't think she has many close friends and whilst I wouldn't have classed myself as one of hers, what if she genuinely needed help. If she is notrious for being OTT, I'd be the mum everyone classes as uber-organised, a little bit cold but the one for practical advice (or so I've been told and I'd have to agree ).

If she was a close friend I'd just sit her down and ask outright, I'd also probably have had a word before now about her "stories". But I feel if I said something to her about the marriage/divorce then I'd either get more of the same (which I wouldn't know if it was true) or it would open a whole can of worms about why she lied or - and this is the bit that makes me think I have to do it regardless - she may genuinely need help.

Arghhhh. Any advice welcome. I will be on line for a bit longer than off for a bit during the day so please honest I'm not a troll if I dont respond straightaway

I know a woman like this at the school gate too and my best advice is to leave well alone. The kind of woman she sounds, if she needs help she'll ask for it.

She won't, I'm guessing.

Thanks - I am inclined to just leave it. But for some reason it keeps nagging at me. I think I just needed some perspective on it.

What perfumedlife said - you've been sympathetic and offered support if she needs it. She seems able enough to ask for it, so I'd let it go. It might be nothing or it might be she's sorted it out at home. I think it's really kind of you to worry about her.

I see your dilemma. One thing that might be worth considering is that crying wolf is also a cry for help. The boy in the fable did it because he was scared & lonely, up on the hillside every night with nothing but sheep and the stars for company.

The moral in his story was that he should have told people how he really felt instead of doing the melodrama. It is possible your OTT friend also feels lonely and, perhaps, has insufficient self-confidence to trust that people might like her even without the dramatics. That would, sadly, tie in with an overbearing husband & fear of telling her truth.

Could you and the other mum ask her for a coffee and show concern for her? You could ask if she feels she's got enough support here, it must be tough to be an expat sometimes. You could tell her you were worried about what she said - and give her the address of Womens Aid's website.

It's good to know you're not dismissing her out of hand :)

garlicbutter - I agree with the self confidence, she drives a lot of people insane but I have long suspected a lot of it is desperation to impress and in a way its sad/infuriating that she doesn't realise the "big" stories have the complete opposite effect.
Having written it all out - it has helped clear my mind. I think I'll find a way to grab a coffee with her either alone or with the other mum, (this wouldn't be odd if you see what I mean) and whilst not explicitly asking, see what comes up. Next steps from there...

Thanks to MN - so much better than just festering