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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What happens when you go to Relate?

3 replies

slummymummy · 01/11/2005 23:51

I think dh and I could do with some counselling and have tried to pick up the phone to Relate a few times today but not managed to go through with it. Could someone tell me what is likely to happen if we do go?
DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 6 months. DH and I have been married for 4 years ( together for 6 ). We're not having loads of rows and ,as far as I know, DH hasn't had an affair ( but wouldn't blame him if he did) but I think our marriage is "vulnerable" to something happening. All very familiar but basic problems are:
Don't talk about anything other than kids,house,bills,work etc.
No affection. No sex for over a year ( DH didn't want to when I was pregnant and I haven't wanted to since DS2 born). This is a symptom of underlying problems rather than primary problem I think.
Tiptoe round DH all the time as anything I say is taken as perceived criticism of him. Can't have a discussion about anything important that we disagree on. Therefore I don't say anything much.
I don't know if I love him any more. Sometimes I think I do ( think it's affection and appreciation as he's a wonderful father)other times can't stand to be in the same room.
I'm frightened that counsellor will tell us we shouldn't be together - is that likely to happen?
From a practical standpoint - where is counselling likely to take place? When ( evenings ?). How many sessions do they offer and how frequently? I would just like to talk to somebody else and get an objective view of our relationship ( so would help if he was there ) but he's so touchy about anything I say which "puts him down" it's going to be tricky.
Jesus, reading this again, think we probably do need to go . Help!

OP posts:
unicorn · 01/11/2005 23:57

Everyone has different experiences of Relate...
but basically if you want night time slots there will be a waiting list.

You pay according to your means, so if both earning it is quite a lot really - but it is a donation - so you work out what you can afford with the counsellor.

It didn't really work for me and dh (the counsellor 'sacked us'!! ) as we had issues that were to do with our dd which she didn't feel were part of her remit... so we were left a bit high and dry really.

Like everything it depends on the counsellor I think..I would give it a go though, it is good to have some space to be able to objectively discuss stuff.
Good luck x

essbee · 02/11/2005 00:57

Message withdrawn

ninah · 02/11/2005 10:12

I think it might be helpful if you can both go. My P refused and I found it a bit useless on my own tbh. Call them, and they will call you back I found them v proactive about appointments etc (and payment!)

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