Oh the guilt...

[Stilltrue]

...My parents, whom I've not seen for months, and who are 500 miles away, are coming to stay next week AND I'M DREADING IT.
pLEASE HELP ME STAY SANE AND CIVIL !
At the outset (sorry this might ramble a bit) let me say they are devoted grandparents who in addition never criticise our parenting - though I'm sure they disagree with lots we do. So far so good then; also my mum has been fairly ill this past year, hence not seeing them for ages. Basically I should be unreservedly delighted they are at last coming to stay again. But I'm not.
My guilt kicks in because I just find them so damned difficult for so many reasons, many of which aren't their fault, though some of them are. I feel like such a cow saying all this but I feel I can't even fully confide in dh - though we do share the odd giggle/raised eyebrow over them.
I'm already feeling really tense and stressed, but i want things to go well for all of us, particularly the children. They haven't seen ds3 (22m) since he was 6m old.
So, what I need is advice/a coping stategy to get through it all.

Why I find them difficult:
-my mum never shuts up - it's a constant stream of random consciousness from sun up to beyond sun down. I'm so not like her. It literally does my head in !
-my dad is the opposite - a conversation with him is virtually impossible.

• Also he has a personal hygiene problem - well, those around him do as he simply doesn't bathe enough . My mum obviously recognises this and we discuss it; i even remind both of them there's always plenty of hot water for baths etc. It's just awkward; I'm dreading the children commenting on it.
• The catering will be a nightmare; they are really fussy and awkward about food. They will tell me my meals are delicious, then leave half of what's there, only to bustle about making piles of toast about 20m later.
• they like the tv on all the time; at least dad will pretend mum does but basically they will both go square eyed.
• my mum will go on and on again about how irritating Aunty J (dad's sister) was when they got engaged...45 years ago. Aunty J has been dead 5 years...
• ditto how irritating Dad is

It all sounds quite minor really, but please help me to stay relaxed, feel indulgent, patient, and loving; which is what they deserve as they are after all my parents

Oh, I sympathise - I also have a mother who witters on constantly about NOTHING. You cannot even breathe without it being the subject for discussion! I think the thing that annoys me most about my parents is the way they instantly cause me to revert back to a 13yo hormonal Kevin type without even having to open their mouths!! I hate the way I feel when I am around them! I am a grown woman with a 3yo DD FFS!!! Troule is, I am sure they have no idea the turmoil that is going through my head and just think I am a moody cow!!

Coping strategies - let me know if you find any. Otherwise I find a vast amount of red wine dulls the pain!!

Good luck!

my mum is just the same on the random steam of consciousness -- dh calls it random data as opposed to coherent information

had my mum to stay for 3 days last week and am just getting over it

Try Rescue remedy and sweetly

Just think if this site is here in 20 odd years time our kids might be saying we ramble on etc

So..red wine and rescue remedy ! Will get stocks in. It's good to hear I'm not the only one costantly on edge with irritation on this issue ! Keep the advice coming please !

I seem to remember reading somewhere that the stream of non stop talking follows having a good relationship with your children when they were toddlers! The constant "look, there's a cow", "mummy's just going to the toilet", "what colour do you think it is?", "After we've gone shopping, we'll go to the park" dialogue with toddlers can be hard to escape. So yes, our kids probably will say we ramble on.

Still true - you need to plan several excursions - a daily trip to the shops, a day or two out, visit to playgroup etc, preferably at least some of the time without parents. Plan to go out at least once each day - it will give you something to structure your day around so that you don't feel that the day will never come to an end! Even if your parents come out with you, you will not feel quite so claustrophobic in their company as you would if you were indoors all day.

If you present it to them as not wanting to interrupt the dc's routine too much (partic. in terms of going to playgroup etc) then it sounds like they would be quite happy with that. (If you don't go to a playgroup, find one quick!!)

I always thought that my mum's non -stop talking was because she lives alone - I didn't realise other's mums were the same fell beter now

By the way if my mum is anything to go by they don't expect a response, just not to be interupted. Just nodd and smile when she says "You remember so and so well they are ill, dead, on the moon (whatever)" happens to fit.

When we stay with Dh's parents there is never any possibility of reading or watching TV in the evening, they are keen to spend 3-4h every night in solid conversation and it can become very intense and / or boring. One strategy I have for coping with this to suggest games we can all play e.g. board games / trivial pursuits / scattergories that sort of thing. It just reduces the amount of actual "conversation" and is something everyone can join in with.

oh stilltrue - you are not alone! why do parents go ON and ON about all kinds of meaningless twaddle? i also have a huge prob of this kind with my sister - she is generous, nice and tries to be helpful but drives me up the wall with irritation and i feel SOOO guilty about it. we usually have her for xmas and this year (first xmas with ds) she has arranged to go elsewhere and i'm afraid it's because last time she stayed she could tell just how fit to burst with irritation i was because i'm crap at concealing it. i feel AWFUL. so all i can say is think how crap you'd feel if they WEREN'T coming because they'd figured out how inane you find them!

so agree with you on the partner thing too. no partner is ever going to find your family members as infuriating as you do, so it makes you feel like the worst person ever for finding them so impossible.

definitely agree re the days out and games. also in the evening announce you need a lovely long bath and retire to solitude. BLISS!!!

Perhaps all our mums, along with laligo's sister, will one day end up in a room together being talked at incessantly by each other...

my parents are OK its my FIL who just wont shut up....DH buries his head in the nearest newspaper or magazine but that doesnt stop FIL wittering on even in the evening when we're watching a film....THEN MIL joins in every now again talking about a completely different subject!!!! FIL just carries on getting louder & louder until MIL gives up

would be funny if I wasnt the one stuck listening & nodding politely

I can relate to all of this - when my mum is not visiting, I long to make up for her last visit when she drove me nuts and I ended up snapping at her.

Then, after she's been in the house for 10 minutes, I am holding my breath.

I can't bear to describe the things she does which makew me cringe - they are minor, but I feel like the nastiest bitch in the world for finding such fault with her and for minding so much.

Like iota, I always thought it was largely down to the fact that she has lived alone for so long.

I'm waiting for someone to come onto the thread who can tell us all how to stop being so judgemental...

Hell is other people...

My grandmas used to do tons of talking and it'd drive my mum insane - especially at Christams when the pressure was on and they were both yakking in stereo.

My MIL does it too - talks non-stop and laughs at everything and anything. Also an expert (not) on any given subject - especially health issues.

I'd open the wine early and stay mildly tipsy for the week.

You're right - it's all minor stuff but those are just the things that become MAJORLY bl*y irritating and drive you up the wall.

Miniminx - thanks. That really struck a chord...about wanting to make up for the last visit. I'm hoping to avoid that feeling this time but i fear its beyond my emotional resources! TinyGang - you've obviously "been there done that" too!

Stilltrue

Thank you for letting me know that it is normal to feel like this about your parents! I have mine coming round tomorrow p/m (invited themselves round for fireworks night) and I had a good laugh about Bootsmonkeys comments - that is exactly me - I turn back into a sulky teenager - at least it is somewhat normal to be feeling like I do!