Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does my ex still appeal?

2 replies

millarandmillar · 12/04/2011 08:28

I am an idiot. I have a loving husband who adores me despite my flaws, two gorgeous children, a lovely home and have been married for 10 years. In the last year or so my dh and I have met up with my ex Uni fling from 20 years ago and his rather gorgeous partner (tall slim bubbly blond) of 8 years through another Uni friend who stayed in touch. Whilst it is all fine and not awkward when I see him, I still feel like he was the one that got away and I still think he is gorgeous. We had a brief sexual fling before our finals after me fancying him like mad for two years or so. It took me a long time to get over it after we both went our seperate ways after graduating. He lives 20 mins away now and in the last couple of months we have all had lunch altogether and last weekend my dh and I went to his party. I felt 20 again and all those feelings came back. Is it normal to still feel like this? He texted me last night to thank me for his present. I assume he got my number from his partner.

It is like an addiction - I know I should avoid him in future but my heart says otherwise. Anyone else got any experience of this? I suspect I am playing with fire and I really think he is just being friendly. (fyi - it was him who intiated the fling 20 years ago but there was never any discussion about continuing after we left Uni - we both moved away - I guess in my over active post - analysis - it left me feeling a little used / not worthy of a relationship). So why would I even want to see him now?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 12/04/2011 08:41

The answer is in the "I felt 20 again" bit. He belongs to that era of your life when you were free and single, before responsibility and gravity had taken their toll. He's a lucky bugger if he's as attractive at 40 as he was at 20, damn him, but what he hasn't got is ten years and two children with you so he can never measure up in reality.

Everyone gets crushes, which can be very intense, and you never quite forget a lover, especially if it mattered a hell of a lot to you at the time. It's perfectly natural. Just don't mistake it for anything more significant, and for god's sake don't decide that you need "proper closure" on the thing. It ended, that WAS closure. Start picking at the scab and you will only make it bleed again.

millarandmillar · 12/04/2011 09:14

Thanks Anniegetyourgun. You are soooo right. I needed to hear it from someone else rather than go over and over it in my head. Really appreciated your response. x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page