problems at work

[livinginthesticks]

Hi, I have happily worked in my job for over 10 years and am respected and liked with my co-workers. The last year hasn't been easy as there have been many changes but we have all recently started on a new project. Can't say too much about as I don't want anyone in RL to recognise me. I was offered the opportunity to apply for the project manager job but decided against it and a project manager was appointed. He was a redeployee and is an experienced project manager but knows nothing about the very technical job that it is.

From the offset there have been many problems, miscommunications and misunderstandings. He has patronised and upset most people on our team but especially me. He has been downright rude to me on a few occasions.

Last week he told me to do one thing and then when I started doing it he completely contracticed me in front of other people in a meeting. I admit I over reacted and got upset and walked out of the meeting. Over the weekend I thought about it hard, wrote my boss (not him) a long email explaining my actions and why I'd been so upset. I had a meeting with my boss today and I apologised for overreacting and said I wanted to work better with the project manager and move on etc. We agreed what I would do and everything seemed to be moving on but I did say that in future I wanted clear instructions about what to do and to be treated with respect.

He organised a 2nd meeting between the 3 of us and I repeated what I said, apologised, said I wanted to move on but that I wanted clear instructions about what to do and to be treated with respect. To this the project manager replied that he now wanted me to be disciplined, to have HR present in every meeting with me, for me to leave the project, to take it further etc...

Don't know what to do, I have 2 kids at home, really need the job and not the stress. Is saying that I want to be treated with respect and have clear instructions such a bad thing?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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does anyone have any advice pleeese?

I would have thought as you have in effect raised a grievance he can't now counter attack with a disciplinary. Are you in a union?

thank you for replying. No I'm not in a union. I'm not really worried about my prospects as this is a short term project until the autumn so I don't think I will end up getting sacked. I just don't know what to do. I tried to make things better but want to be respected at work, not patronised and don't want conflicting messages - he now wants all our meetings to be with an HR person which is crazy given we're on a very tight schedule and if I'm taken off the project I look like the difficult one (which is what I think will happen).

I'm trying to help you see a positive side to this: if you say miscommunication is a problem, surely having a 3rd person at any meeting with him (the HR person) is not a bad thing in the sense that if 'miscommunication' happens again or your PM being difficult, the HR person will be able to see that happening for herself/himself? Hugs to you... It sounds like a difficult situation. Hope you find a way out of it.

Not sure where you work but I would have thought if he wants you to be disciplined he needs to bring something against you. You need to see it in writing and then you have the chance to counter.
It would be unusual to be able to announce in a meeting that 'I need HR involved every time we speak' - unless he is happy to say by default that he is a shit manager.

If he says anything else tell him you are happy to work through his concerns once he puts them in writing to you and in the meantime you need to bcome an expert in the company's HR guidance.

From what you've said, you have acted prefessionally by contacting your boss, explaining the situation and suggesting a plan forward. Your boss was happy with this plan. The PM has been informed of this and decided that he's not happy. And rather than sorting things out between yourselves he wants to bring in HR. Unless there's a long history of issues, the PM is surely seen as being unreasonable by bringing in HR at the first probem and without at least trying out the plan you and your boss discussed with him.

It's easy to say "don't worry" but I'm sure others in the company see it the same way.

As an aside (and I don't mean to worry you) involving a 3rd party could be to your benefit as they'd be a witness to the fact that you are asked to do something by a certain timescale etc etc. Ensure all actions are very specific and detailed, and ask how they fit with existing actions i.e. should thing be reprioritised? Follow up meetings with a written record, e.g. an immediate email, stating what was agreed. If the PM is cr@p then he could be looking for a scapegoat and this way, it won't be you. Good luck.

thank you all. It all seems so petty to involve HR as we have a very tight deadline and I only work part time. It will all be over in a few months. It is also unheard of to involve HR - I would rather just be off the project. However, this does reflect badly on me rather than him. I don't really want an HR person in each meeting, it seems such heavy weather.

I am dreading going into work tomorrow - he is just so unpleasant and I can't believe that he'd want HR present whenever we speak especially when I was trying to patch things up. I think he must have been under the impression that my boss was giving me a bollocking when he spoke to me earlier although he wasn't.

Maybe your PM was just overreacting and in the cold light of day will decide it's not such a good idea after all to have HR in on all meetings - it's going to make him look like a twit, especially as I'm sure HR have better things to do with their time.

by the way, my boss decided that the solution to this was to have me managed on this project by someone else. This is working very well and I am happy with that. But this project manager has blanked me ever since. I find it really upsetting. He just looks straight through me.

Don't be upset - it has obviously been recognised he's a crap manager - the fact he is blanking you is just confirmation of that not a reflection on you.

thanks, it's just really hard to be in that environment. want to talk to him and try to move on but he obviously doesn't want to.

I would let it be for the time being. He sounds v. insecure and you can't change him. I know it's horrible but it won't be forever. Just keep your head down and good luck tomorrow!