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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

unpleasant sex not sure how to deal with it (tmi sorry)

24 replies

walkinZombie · 11/04/2011 21:26

i've namechanged its a sensitive thread
over the weekend i had two unpleasant encounters with DP both nights I was half asleep and was woken up and partly asked me If I wanted to have sex and I said not really as I was tired and his response being 'you won't have to do anything just lie there' I agreed as wierd as it sounds

was very unpleasant just didnt like it at all then said to me bend over the side of the bed so I can finish I said but I don't wanna move he started whinging at me and I agreed. afterwards I said you know Ididnt wanna do that he said 'yeah alright' I went to bed and since then I just feel crap I know technically nothing bad happened, but I wanna move on from it in my head IYSWIM its making me moody and snap at him and I don't like what im being

any advice please would be advised. how to get passsed it??

xoxo

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 11/04/2011 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bohica · 11/04/2011 21:33

That sounds horrible. Can you talk to him & agree it's not acceptable.
Is he coming up to bed later than you are, is he drunk?

fallingandlaughing · 11/04/2011 21:35

Don't be in a rush to get past it.

Your P hasn't behaved in a respectful way. How is our relationship usually?

Don't worry about the "technically". You both know he was in the wrong (well, I hope he does).

Original poster
walkinZombie · 11/04/2011 22:30

not often its a recent thing

OP posts:
Bohica · 11/04/2011 23:00

walkin this is not a normal behaviour as you well know. You need to talk to him & tell him it's not right.
How is everything else in your relationship going?

Original poster
walkinZombie · 11/04/2011 23:02

hes a bit snipy tbh had a really stupid argument tonight

OP posts:
pickgo · 11/04/2011 23:07

I think this sort of thing can end up making you feel used, even when you've technically consented (albeit half asleep). Perhaps you should talk to DP and explain how you feel... it's not as though you've got much out of it is it, and I'm sure he'll be able to see that that's not fair or making you feel very loved.

malibustac · 11/04/2011 23:11

walkin this isnt on, do you feel able to discuss what happened with him? Hope your ok

Bohica · 11/04/2011 23:24

Did you argue this evening because you tried to broach the sleepy sex slave thing with him?

Original poster
walkinZombie · 11/04/2011 23:29

Bohica no it was really very trivial

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 12/04/2011 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bohica · 12/04/2011 11:17

How are you today walkin did you get a full nights sleep last night?

BelleBelicious · 12/04/2011 11:42

Hi don't want to bring up a massive porn debate (rights and wrongs) but is he using a lot of porn at the moment? I got this sort of behaviour from my husband when he started using lots of porn (stressed with job, working late on computer and checking in on porn sites, ended up coming to bed when I was asleep and hassling me). It's just been my experience that this sort of use of porn encourages some men to treat women like blow up dolls.

Regardless of the cause, you need to have the awkward conversation and tell him how you feel, I'm afraid. It's difficult when you feel so hurt and used, but it's him that should be feeling ashamed, not you. So tell him and let him know that it won't happen again. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. If he doesn't show any remorse or shame for treating you that way, then I think you need to do some serious thinking.

LonelyLinda · 12/04/2011 19:37

This is not on at all, you were tired, you didn't fancy it END OF, he can't just take it when he feels like it FFS. Where is the respect in that.

Alright if he had woken you up in a jokey funny way or even a snog first and made you feel like you wanted to wake up for it but to not just take it.

And when you said you hadn't really wanted it he should have said "oh i'm sorry" and you should have discussed not "oh alright".

You need to talk to him, to make him understand that this wasn't right and why it wasn't right.

StayFrosty · 12/04/2011 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lookingfoxy · 12/04/2011 21:51

This is a total lack of respect for you, physically and emotionally, I would be devastated if dp treated me like this. No wonder your upset!!

Original poster
walkinZombie · 13/04/2011 15:10

sorry i havent replied earlier I told him about the trivial argument and about the waking me up and sex problem that he has no respect, he was pretty beligerant (we don't live together) there have been instances where I've woken up to him taking my knickers off and reading in here has opened my eyes to how bad that is. and saying I could * you right now pulling me knickers down behind and sticking it in. which he replied he was joking around.
I told him not to bother coming up if his attitude doesnt adjust.
a few hours later I got a long apology it seemd sincere time will tell.
last night fell asleep he stirred me a bit and said 'do you wanna hop on'
I told him no and he left it at that.
the update so far.
thanks for all you're replies

OP posts:
leavesleaves · 13/04/2011 15:43

"Do you wanna hop on" ?!???!?!?! That silver-tongued charmer . . . . Hmm

But seriously, walkin, I agree with others here that he is treating you appallingly. I am glad you posted to update. This must be terrible for your self esteem. I hope you are okay. Glad to hear you don't live with him, too.

prettywhiteguitar · 13/04/2011 16:14

I would really consider finishing the relationship, he clearly has no boundaries or respect for you.

You really deserve that, I have never had a boyfriend do that to me, whenever I have said no they have just left me to sleep. That is not acceptable at all.

I hope you are feeling okay standing up to him about it ?

prettywhiteguitar · 13/04/2011 16:15

I meant you really deserve someone who has respect for you, my post read all weird !!

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 13/04/2011 16:43

walkinZombie I'm with prettywhiteguitar in that I'd leave him. This male has no respect for you. He's shown that in the way he's treated you and the way he speaks to you. You really do deserve someone better than that.

davidtennantsmistress · 13/04/2011 18:05

agreed totally, plus you don't like together,

no respect, at al. you don't live together,

how would you feel if it was your DD being treated like this, or indeed your son treating a lady like this - a lady he's suppose to love & cherish?!?

I hate to say it but think it will escalate.

EasterBunnyGirl · 13/04/2011 19:21

You certainly deserve better OP. He has no respect and doesnt appear to care about you at all.
Sorry you're going through this but i don't think he will change

StayFrosty · 13/04/2011 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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