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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't know what to do... (a little long)

4 replies

maudelovesya · 11/04/2011 12:08

Hi
I'm hoping someone can help me out here.

I have a friend whom I've known since school. She's a really good friend and is always there to listen and help out if I need her. However she is really bossy and controlling and it's really starting to get me down as I don't know how to tell her without offending her and harming the friendship. I know I need to do something as the only way I seem to be able to deal with it is to keep my distance and that's not really how a friendship should be.

The bossiness can be anything from telling me what I should say to people/how I should reply to a text/email etc to telling me how to cook the meal if I invite her over for dinner. I feel as though she thinks I can't think for myself. I cant make a throw-away statement without receiving advice or instructions. eg "I'm hungry"
"Oh...you need to eat"

or

"My skin gets quite dry sometimes"
"You need to use moistruriser"

I can kind of work that out on my own thanks.

It even extends to having opinions or personal preferences about things that aren't reay that significant (eg the method I choose for hair removal). She always tries to talk me into doing it the way she does it when I'm happy with the way I do things for myself and don't care how anybody else does it.

I had loads of unwanted instructions during the pregnancy, and I know this is pretty common but when it's something that brought up first it just makes it more irksome.

I could go on but I've probably bored anyone who has read this enough by now.

Anyone had this experience and managed to have a successful outcome?

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 11/04/2011 12:14

I think the only way out is to say in an exasperated way, "For god's sake, if I want to shave my legs I shall!" etc. Pick her up on it every time. If she's "normal" she'll just laugh and agree that it's nothing to do with her. It's a lot easier than sitting her down and telling her she's trying to control you.

If she goes into an immediate sulk, just ignore it and then call her back in a few days, not mentioning the issue. If she's still sulking, just ask "What's up?" She'll know she's being stupid and won't dare call you on it.

needafootmassage · 11/04/2011 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs · 11/04/2011 14:40

I usually deal with a lot of unwanted advice with "ok, mummy!" - smiling/laughing. Keep it light.

maudelovesya · 11/04/2011 14:42

Thanks for your suggestions. I had thought about saying something similar to 'Yes, will do, Miss Marjorie Proops!'

Let's hope it works.
x

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