testing name change

[trustissues]

dg

sooo wheres the rest of it?

ok. long story short.

DH hasn't really come anywhere near me since birth of DD 4 years ago (3 times).

Although I did tell him when I met him 10yrs ago I suffered past abuse as child and then again at 23 I had been enjoying sex since my 30's and had been able to put all past issues behind, so have been ok for years before I met him.

I have asked him often over the years why he isn't interested in me and he has used every excuse in the book. I should add I really don't think he is being unfaithful - don't think he could be arsed to be honest.

His latest comment to me was months ago but I cannot stop thinking about it, he said I was 'damaged goods'. I was so shocked I just said 'no shit Sherlock!' This is pretty much me trying to laugh it off.

I don't understand why he is being this way, everyone who knows him thinks he is the nicest person to walk the planet so why is he this way to me?

He is in his 50's and I am 44 and would love to have someone make me feel like a desirable woman again but now lack confidence and when offered the chance have turned it down because I really did marry for life.

I feel like such a twat

The only damaged goods is your Husband.

It is because he doesn't feel good about himself he said it.

Relate - is that an option? Women's Aid?

Or make plans to leave him, see a therapist if you can afford it or via NHS women's self referral service.

You might be flogging a dead horse. You are not happy and this has been going on for years.

Why do you stay?

What is good about him?

What does he offer/what do you get out of staying with him that makes you feel good?

Calling you damaged goods is shocking!

I think what he said was dreadful and almost certainly his attempt at blaming you for his own issues. It sounds like your lack of confidence is as a result of being on the receiving end of comments like that... over time it wears you down.

I married for life too but realised with my ex that I couldn't make a happy relationship on my own and that making a marriage work took effort on both sides.

You sound so unhappy. You cannot change him and if he is unwilling to address his own issues through Relate or individual counselling I would recommend looking at what you are getting from this relationship.

How are you OP?

What makes you feel safe/happy/frightened about this relationship and leaving him if that is what you want. Do you really feel ready to go now or soon?

I'm ok thank you YATNN, to be honest I feel so much better that I could actually let some of it out as DH is cosidered such a nice person by everyone I think they would think I was lying, so I don't tell anyone. Dh really is a lovely person in everything except for my feelings. He is a great dad, a good provider as I only work PT and little one not at school yet, he lets me do whatever I like as regards to seeing friends, hols etc. On paper I should not wish for anything more BUT I don't have any affection, consideration for how I feel about enforced celibacy. I have really really tried to get to the bottom of the celibacy, I even got him to go to GP and have some tests done - nothing came back except slightly high bp. I think something he told me happened when he was a boy may have affected him badly, but he knows I have been through worse and have put it away. He is a typical man and won't even entertain the idea of any kind of counselling. I wish I could help him and then maybe he would treat me differently? He does love me he just doesn't show it. I could never afford to be away from him and I really would prefer to find a way to repair things. I am a coper, the GP put me on AD last year but they made DH feel guilty so I stopped and started excercise instead and I can cope now.

I feel like a right moaner, I promise you I just needed to let it out, I will be fine.

If anyone can think of a master cure let me know?

God, look how I rambled - no paragraphs or anything!

'the GP put me on AD last year but they made DH feel so guilty so I stopped and started excercise instead and I can cope now'

Have you considered counselling together or even apart to get to the bottom of this lack of intimacy?

You really aren't okay though, are you? Othewise you wouldn't be posting.

Have you told him how his comment has made you feel? Have you told him that you want the physical side of your relationship to grow, not wither away?