Further to the post entitled "he's not home", I have been sitting here thinking about my own situation and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Advice from strangers seems to be my only option right now.
It has always been up and down with DH and I but we stay together because ultimately we love each other.
I had a baby a few months ago and it was stressful even before she arrived as our house was being converted by DH and everything was last minute and I had to go and stay with family. I was upset by the whole thing and felt unsettled and it was far from an ideal way to finish my pregnancy. House still isn't finished now actually....
DH always made out that i was putting pressure on him to get things done when he had a company to run and was under time constraints and was forking out a lot of money to get it done and take time off from work. I felt as though I had to apologise to him as if I was putting him out.
The birth was traumatic and afterwards the baby went back in to hospital for a couple of days while i was still very emotional and sore. He was good with the baby but once we were home again he was very thoughtless at times. Yes I was very tearful and emotional and probably irrational but I cannot get over him calling me pathetic while I was crying and holding my tiny baby while arguing about God knows what.
Anyway we have had some massive arguements over the last few weeks and he has been working away on occasion. We had a large arguement before one of the times he was due to go away and he left without saying goodbye to me or to our baby as far as i know and he didn't call or text me for 4 days. He didn't check up to see if things were OK and if I was coping or anything at all.
He does work long hours and I am used to him coming in late or even pulling all nighters but this mattered less to me when I didn't have a baby. I could cope on my own and am self-sufficient. With a baby I feel he should check in more.
Anyway he said he was taking today (Sunday) off work and yesterday I was quite excited as I thought we could go out in the sunshine as a family which we never get to do as he works practically every weekend. So yesterday I had cooked supper and got the baby down and called him at 7pm to check where he was as he had been home before 7pm each night this week which is great and really early for him. He said he wouldn't be leaving site for half an hour and then had to drive home. I said I would try to stagger supper so it was ready when he got back but told him I was pissed off that he hadn't called to let me know and he said sorry. Thought he would be back around 8.30pm but nothing. Waited and waited and eventually had my supper as I couldn't wait anymore and I need to get to bed early as am up with baby in the night. I left his supper out for him.
He didn't call to say where he was and I didn't call him as I felt i should not be the one having to chase him up. He still wasn't in when I got up at midnight to feed babe. Still wasn't in when I got up at 2am and then 3.30am to shush babe back to sleep. I finally heard him come in but don't know what time it was and he slept on the sofa downstairs so as not to wake me and have a confrontation. I had kept checking my mobile all night to see if there were any texts from him. Was half worried and half upset that he hadn't contacted me. He seems to think it is fine to not communicate and leave me wondering.
This morning after feeding baby at about 6am I pulled the duvet off him and asked if he was going to explain to me where he had been until after 3.30am. He just muttered that he wasn't or something like that. I demanded an explanation and he gave me some story about falling asleep at the little chef. What??! Why would he even be there when he was driving straight home from the site he was on to have supper at home? I said I didn't believe him and he just pulled the duvet back over his head.
I am afraid that I then picked up the tv remote and smacked him with it several times and then I pushed his beloved laptop to the floor. Childish I know but I was at a loss and he refused to acknowledge me or that anything wrong. He went out about an hour later not talking to me or baby and I have heard nothing since. I left a message on his voicemail asking if he thought he should apologise and saying I thought we had real problems but have heard nothing back.
I feel so upset and abandoned. He does what he wants and then says not to have a go as he is working so hard. He always knows where I am but I cannot say the same of him. This will get turned around to be an issue about me hitting him with the remote control rather than the real issue of him not doing what he says he will or being where he says he will and not feeling the need to keep me informed. I feel he does not respect me and thinks my time is invaluable. I just don't know what to do as this has happened before and I keep saying to myself, how many times will I allow this to happen?
This is such a long post and of course I have ommitted so much as you can't write your whole relationship history down, but I just wanted some objective advice/support. If anyone can even get to the end of it without tuning out. I feel like I am at the end of the road and not sure what I can do or what my options are anymore.