Partner's drinking

[Annteeta]

My partner drinks every night 4 -6 six cans or more. Rarely less. We have been together 2 years and he claims that he has reduced his intake. Perhaps he has, as before we got together he was single for many years and lived an alcohol fuelled bachelor lifestyle along with his peers who all smoke and drink to excess. Unfortunately, it seems to be a cultural problem in this area, but is perceived as 'normal'. He isn't aggressive, but I am increasingly concerned as although he did cut down a few months ago, this seems to have crept up again. He had a liver function test when he was ill last year which revealed some function problems. He admitted lying to the GP as 'everyone does' about what he actually drinks and said the GP was OK about the amount (as he would be). He's in denial about the problem and If I try to talk to him, gets very irritable and will not discuss. I'm worried about his health as he also smokes. Can anyone suggest a way to approach this?

This is always going to be a difficult one - is it a habit or an addiction? If it's addiction then he needs to get professional help BUT this rarely works unless he admits to himself that there is a serious problem. If it is genuinely just habit then he needs to see the damage he is doing to himself and the stress and worry he is causing you then maybe he will cut down. I have always been a regular social drinker but when I lost my parents (in quick succession) I got into the habit of drinking heavily every evening and carried on like this for about two years despite concerns of DH until I decided it was time to get myself sorted and then I just stopped overnight and now generally just have a few drinks Fri/Sat or if we are out for the evening. But my drinking was never "out of control" - it was just something I enjoyed and took to excess. I never felt I had to have a drink - just that I wanted one.

My advice would be to sit down calmly and discuss it (when he hasn't had a drink!) and try to get him to see what it is doing to him and your relationship - but try not to be judgmental. If that doesn't help then maybe you need to look at getting professional help.

Looks like you've tried to talk to him already without much luck (not all that surprising unfortunately). How old are you both btw?.
Some questions for you (you don't have to answer any of them but you need to really think long and hard here):-

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.
What do you think the replies to your post will say?
How would you answer yourself if another poster wrote what you have?
How does his behaviour impact on your feelings towards him?.
Can you see this relationship ending sooner rather than later?
Do you feel responsible for him?.
What sort of relationship does he have with his family?
Do you think he is an alcoholic?.
Where do you see this relationship ultimately going?.

All I would say is that you are only responsible for yourself, do not allow yourself to be dragged down with him. You cannot help anyone who does not want to be helped.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this