Domestic disharmony

[undercovertoday]

Regular but N/c for this. I am at the end of my rope with my domestic situation. I work F/T and often put in extra hours at home. My DP helps out with DC, but does very little round the house. I've found over the past few months that I am running round like a loon to keep up with everything. I do all the cleaning, DIY, gardening, wash the cars and so on. The bottom line is, if I don't do it, it doesn't happen. Like most mums I do all the extras like keeping school stuff sorted/appointments/paperwork.

I feel really resentful of my DP as he goes off to work, has a full hour for lunch and goes off for a coffee or to the gym (I work through) and comes home in the evening and flops on the couch. In the meantime, I am working frequently till 11pm to keep on top of things and I just can't manage. Today I have worked all day and I have just come out and found the washing still on the line (so it's damp and I now need to stop what I'm doing to hang it up), and the house like a tip. I spent 4 hours cleaning last night and it has been the final straw as I feel he has no respect for me or how hard I am working. I have tried everything to make him understand how I feel - begging, shouting, ignoring, pleading. Even a serious illness that left me hospitalised hasn't made him pitch in to do more and I fear that if this continues I'll be ill again.

I am seriously considering hiring a cleaner and a gardener at his expense, even though we'd struggle to afford it as I can't think of any other solution. The thing is I resent paying for them when he is just too damn lazy to help and I think this will give him carte blanche to do even less than he does already.

We get on well and I do love him, but I feel that this is driving a wedge between us. I have been in tears today as i am truly struggling to finish my work and keep up with everything else while he just bumbles about.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this really. I can't talk to anyone in RL about this, and I just wanted a bit of a moan really. If anyone has been in the same situation and have they feel like sharing, please do.

Hi- yes, hit him where it hurts; charge him. Might even have suggested withdrawing privileges but that will not help your marriage. Perhaps have a cleaner every other week?

OK, I get why the cars need to be washed, but isn't it possible to just wash the one you use and let him wash, or not as he pleases, the one he uses? Now you're going to tell me it's expedient that you each use both of them for different purposes and I suppose I can see that too. It seems to be all very cleverly worked out so that you have to do the bulk of everything just because you're the one who gives a *. Well you wouldn't like to think you were married to a stupid man, would you?

I've slept on it and decided to book a cleaner in this week. I've threatened to do it for years but it's time to do something rather than just talk about it!

Go for it undercovertoday! It may be the dent in his wallet wake up call that he needs to make him get off his rear end and do something. If not then at least it will get the jobs done and make your life more peaceful. I hope you are feeling healthy now.

Oh, well done! There you go, at least once a week you know you will come home to a clean house :) I bet it cheers you up! x

I lost my job 3 years ago, did the hoovering for a bit, got another job and the FIRST person I rang was my old cleaner begging her to come back. She did, and every Tuesday I am a happy soul..............There is nothing in the world better than a good cleaner. Best £40 a week I spend.

undercover it is really important that you sort this. If you go on bearing the brunt you will get resentful and upset and end up not loving him any more. I was you for twenty four years until I cracked and left him in his filthy mess and guess what? He remembers bin day, he hired a cleaner, he does his own laundry and cooks delightful dinner parties. Your DH is quite capable of doing his share of the work but why should he? He has it made!
You need to get tough and take action for the sake of your marriage. Don't be a martyr! I wish I had done that years ago.

Careful though because cleaners can't to everything and he should not get away with not doing half of the everyday stuff if you both work. This nearly split us up. I feel for you but stick to your guns until it is resolved or it will keep coming bak to cause rows.