Dh and I having serious problems and he's my birth partner for c section next week

[lisalisa]

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My first thoughts are..

Do you want him at the section?
Have you discussed this with him?

It sounds like you need to consider couples counselling? It does sound like his anger needs fixing, but he needs to see that, which he doesn't as of yet ...

Is there anyone you can talk to, who could talk to him? Anyone who you could talk to together? (A minister? If you have one, and s/he is any use?) You need to negotiate a truce, to get you through the next few weeks.

How do these arguments normally resolve themselves?

Oh you poor thing, you must be feeling so stressed, when you really need to be taking it easy.

You may be feeling extra hormonal at the moment - so bear that in mind, and give yourself a break.
I don't know what to say about your dh as I know nothing.. but...

Do you want him at your section?
Have you a close friend who you can rely on?

Perhaps you could have them both, and then the pressure is off him,and you?

Don't know your history etc, but you are just about to give birth, so, please be kind to yourself, and try and sort out a scenario of least stress.

good luck xxx

Oh lisalisa, this must feel scary and lonely.

I was in a similar position myself a couple of years ago when my third child was expected. I've talked about it from a different angle in another thread, but basically, dh and I were as far apart as we'd ever been during that pregnancy and I suddenly realised that I didn't feel comfortable about having him at the birth, which was supposed to be a v2bac (it ended up being an elective ceasar afterall, probably partly because I didn't feel strong enough to take on the mission of a v2bac because of probs with partner.)

I was very scared of the birth too.

But I ended up feeling that I would rather he wasn't there, even if I didn't have a birth partner.

I think that the shock for both of us of realising that things had gone so wrong between us that I felt like this, forced us to sort things out and patch them up.

But it sounds to me as if you really need him to be there 100%, so it could be dangerous to talk in these terms to your dh, in case he just agrees not to be there unless, as a back up plan, there's anyone else who you feel could/would support you during the birth?

But really you need to find a non-confrontational way of talking to your dh and getting him on board with this mission. Obviously there are some issues that will need to be dealt with, but could you approach this by saying - at the moment we need to make things ok between us for the birth.

There are issues that we need to deal with, but can we plan to sort these out gradually after the birth. Just a change of tack like this might surprise him into being more open to admitting fault.

For the time being you could both focus on making each other feel better about the upsetting things that have recently happened - no doubt your dh feels bad about what has happened too, but maybe can't admit it, because he is scared of you being angry with him?

Dunno, if none of this rings true, do feel free to ignore it.

Lisalisa, I expect you've had your babe by now. Hope all went ok - maybe you're still in hospital/not moving around much yet. Do let us know how you are, when you can, please.