Hi, I posted this on divorce/separation forum and then realised this forum gets more traffic so I've just copied and pasted it.
Me and my husband split about 2 months ago. He walked out (twice!) and went off to find somewhere else to live. Me and kids are living with my parents. All is very complicated.
Anyway, we had our first mediation session on Wednesday. My first problem was that the mediator who met with us had met with him before but I had met with a different mediator at my individual session. She met with me a few minutes before but I was not put at ease as by her talking to me about access and asking how I would feel in his position - to which I answered that I would not have walked out on my kids!
He sat and played the victim throughout and said all he cared about was seeing his kids. He tried to talk about having 50-50 access which I said I would never agree to and he didn't put up much of a fight so I don't think he really wants that or really knows what he wants. He left me to bring up the issue of money and the equity from the house we are selling. He said he would never hold back any money from the children. He claims he wants to spend more time with the children but it is the Easter holidays (we are both teachers) and he has booked a week visiting his family in Ireland and another couple of days sorting out his stuff in the house we are selling. So after today, he won't see his kids for a week and a half - that's his doing, not mine!
The agreements we made were that I would go and see where he is living this morning after he collected the kids. I would give him an answer by the end of the month about him having overnight contact. He would take my bank details to sort out a direct debit for paying me maintainance. We agreed which days he would have kids over Easter holidays and bank holidays. And we made some agreements over the house contents and how they would be sorted. We agreed that the finances would be discussed at the next meeting. The mediator talked to us about making handovers as pleasant as possible for the sake of children.
But, this morning I went and saw where he is living as agreed and he tried to pressurise me into making a decision about overnight contact straight away and actully wanted them to stay overnight tonight. He had even bought them new pyjamas! He has beds for the chidlren but my youngest is still in a cot! Then he had a go at me about the money side complaining that he had to pay for all legal advice and that I'm going to bleed him dry. He doesn't seem to see that I need to make a home for the children. He hasn't taken my bank details either!
I'm not quite sure where to go from here. If he's not going to say what he really thinks at mediation just because he wants to look like a good father and he's not going to stick to any agreements made I can't see it working but if we go down the legal route a) things will get nasty and b) we could end up being given access arrangements which aren't right for our children.
Any thoughts?