Advice to help my friend with suicidal depression...

[MistyMooBags]

A dear friend of mine, who lives in the US, has been suffering with severe depression since her brother died early last year.

She had almost completely withdrawn (not responding to emails, etc.,) apart from occasionally, on days she was feeling "a little better"...

Last night she sent a very lengthy, explanatory email detailing physical, sexual and psychological abuse she suffered at the hands of her father from the age of 3 (she's now in her early 60s) along with a succession of life experiences (including some recent ones) where she's been badly let down by people she has trusted for years...

She lives alone and started drinking again last year (tonight's email was the first I knew of it this) after years of sobriety and membership of AA. She has lots of animals (including rescue horses) and I feel these are the only things that are keeping her going/alive, although she believes that in spite of looking after them, she's not meeting their needs... She says she can't keep her home clean, is worrying about not being able to survive on the money she makes and just wants to "stop living"...

I don't know what I can do or say to her that doesn't seem trite... She's a real no bullshit person who is always there for everyone else. She's very intelligent and gifted, but she feels she has nothing left to offer...

Any advice for my reply (I've already sent a quick reply) I can put together later today?

Thanks

I wouldn't know what to say either, but keep talking to her and keep the line of communication going. Call her? Look for one of those international 1p a minute numbers and call her, or skype even, it's free.

Once you have got her to get into the habit of talking to you, try and ask her what is bothering her most, and try to help her structure her thoughts and actions into working out what to do to tackle whatever it is. She is collecting her pain into a great big mountain, stuff that doesn't even belong together is being grouped together to prove she is not worth it. Try to get her to unravel and challenge this grouping, get her to separate them back out again.

Bit by bit, step by step.

Could you google depression resources in her local area. If the worst comes tot he worst, you could contact her local police office, and alert them to someone that needs help?

Here's a link to The Samaritans.

Could you suggest she rings or, more likely from the US, e-mails them?

And you might want to be in touch yourself - they don't offer advice, but their listening and befriending could well help you to cope.

Wishing you, and her, all the best.

What great advice OP. Just a daft little suggestion to add - send your friend something the old-fashioned way. A card, poem, momento, article she might like?

It's so nice getting a hand-written, not-brown envelope when you're dreading the bills.

as she is in the US the Samaritans will be no use unless she wants a massive phone bill. though they do do emails- so that might be worth looking into.

Is there an equivalent in the US?

I think your only way to help is to make her see she has to get professional help- you are too far away really and it could become very hard for you.

Thank her for her open & heartfelt email. Validate her pain and disappointment at the way she's been mistreated by people who claimed to love her. Ask if she wants you to help research free counselling services that may be available to her. Praise her care for the animals; highlight how important she is to them. Reassure her that a pristine house is far less important than emotional safety and her love for her animals! Keep sending messages even when she doesn't reply. Everybody assumed I wanted to lose touch, and it added to my hurt.

I'm in my mid-fifties and am still getting better. It happens at any age, and it's never too late to heal. A hug for her :)

samaritans usa

Contact Directory
If this is an emergency, call 911. If you are in crisis or suicidal and need someone to talk to call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK 1 (800) 273-TALK

suicidehotlines.com/national.html

USA National Suicide Hotlines

Toll-Free / 24 hours / 7 days a week

Always there...
Samaritans USA, the organization comprising the individual Samaritans centers operating in the United States, is a member of the world?s oldest and largest suicide prevention network, with 400 centers in 38 countries (from Argentina, Bosnia and Great Britain to India, Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe). Samaritans centers provide volunteer-staffed hotlines and professional and volunteer-run public education programs, ?suicide survivor? support groups and many other crisis response, outreach and advocacy activities and programs to the communities we serve as well as those throughout the country.

www.samaritansusa.org/contact.php