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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help - I'm out of my depth

7 replies

DaughterDoris · 08/04/2011 22:00

My Gran was taken to hospital last weekend with a dislocated hip. She's recovering well and is for the moment in hospital recovering but is absolutely fine. The problem lies with her husband (my step-grandparent who is 89), when my Gran was taken into hospital his daughter came to collect him and took him to the place she lives (quite a long way from where he lives with my Gran). She put him in respite care in a care home, but has now decided that she has had enough of him (he can be quite an awkward chap at times) and is saying that she will be bringing him home on Sunday. To an empty house. My Gran is still in hospital and will need to have care herself for at least another couple of weeks before she is fit to think about looking after him. He isn't my Grandad - he is a step-grandparent and I have no idea what rights I have (or don't have) in this situation. She is his daughter and when I tried to speak to her about this on the phone earlier tonight she hung up on me and her phone line is now constantly engaged.
I can't possibly be there to give him the care he needs (he has dodgy knees and I'm worried that he will fall and suffer injuries like my Gran did), but from what his daughter has said she wants to leave him in the house all on his own.
Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

catsareevil · 08/04/2011 22:04

What rights do you think that you might have?

If you are concerned about the ability of your Gran or her husband to look after themselves then you could call social services. You are certainly not under any legal obligation to care for either your Gran or her DH.

Adversecamber · 08/04/2011 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerHissyness · 08/04/2011 22:10

CAB is a good suggestion, and call Social Services, what she is potentially thinking of doing is dangerous to her father.

Original poster

DaughterDoris · 08/04/2011 22:14

The problem is the time scale, not much time to do anything or even get organised because she only let me know about 2 hours ago. I feel I have a moral obligation to him, as he is literally going to be left on his own by his DD, we have cleared the house of food as there has been no one in it for a week. I just feel that I have no choice about this and I am expected to care for him when my first obligation is to my Gran.

OP posts:

catsareevil · 09/04/2011 09:10

Your local social work department will have an out of hours emergency number, phone them ASAP and inform them of the situation.

Original poster

DaughterDoris · 09/04/2011 12:21

Thank you all for the suggestions. I have spoken to the care home and explained the situation and they will keep him for another week, which gives me time to get things sorted out.
Thank you again for the advice - my head was so scrambled yesterday and I do appreciate it.

OP posts:

zikes · 09/04/2011 12:36

I realise your step-grandfather isn't true family and his daughter should have primary responsibility for him, but presumably your Gran loves him - surely they comes as a package?

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