h is constantly going on about sex

[inamechanged]

ie we dont have sex any where hear often enough according to h. However he constantly goes on at me makes snide comments etc even in front of the dc. No matter what time he comes in from work or goes to bed he wants to and gets annoyed if I say Im too tired and says I'm alwas tired as if I have no right to be. Even when the dc wakes up in the night he tried it on. Ie last night ds2 aged 3 wet the bed at 230. As soon as we were back in bed after changing sheets he was touching me and thenn got moody when I said no I'm too tired. Same thing earlier in the week when ds1 work us up at 430! Its driving me mad. He doesnt let up and its seriously doesnt make me want to at all ever! AIBU about this?

I'm reading this after being woken up at goodness-knows-what-time this morning, by DH groping me and proceeding to give me a lecture on how he finds it really sexy to think I might wake him up during the night for sex and how I'd only done it once! We've been married for nearly 16 years! In the last couple of weeks he's taken to sleeping with his hand in a 'sensitive place' [!] which gets me so annoyed! His fingers twitch, my body reacts and I then wake up. He says he's just being affectionate, but he can't give me a hug in bed without stroking / tweaking / etc. He can't just put his arm round me and leave it there! He wakes me pretty much every night like this and when I say 'no' he gets frustrated and proceeds to lecture me, whilst I'm still only half awake!

Added to that I'm getting menopausal [I'm 47] and my sex drive is virtually nil. Why is it that while I'm losing interest he just can't get enough! I should say that we do have sex 2 or 3 times a week anyway - when he can catch me awake.

I have had treatment for cancer 6 years ago, and since then I get tired earlier than he does so I go to bed [making sure I tell him that's where I'm going, so I don't get into trouble for going up without him!].

Talking to him doesn't help - he just tells me I'm frigid and at my age I should be coming into my prime [where he read that I don't know!].

"get into trouble" for going to your own bed?

Mate, that is one unhealthy relationship.

Gosh, I'm just reading all these posts after having a fairly bloody draining weekend with my husband accusing me of not having enough sex. Thank god I'm not the only one.
Pre-kids we used to have sex 2 or 3 times a day, now, with two littlies and after 11 years together its 5/6 times a month - and its good ;-)
I kind of thought we were doing pretty well getting this mny good quality shags in - but apparently not. THe thing is my DH has approached this discussion with anger and aggression. And as echoed by most of you, this has totally put me off and made me overly conscious of my actions rather than pushed me into sexual overdrive.
So today I go and buy teh Joy of Sex and soke erotica books in an affort to get my libido up to where it used to be. I've just mentioned this to DH and his reply "enjoy the books, I'd rather not know if thats OK"...WHAT.THE.FUCK....suffice to sayI've just sat in front of the computer and siliently wept.
This makes him sound awful - he's not. He shares the childcare and housework and is generally great, however on the communication/empathy stakes he is fairly Alpha Male - ie.lacking.

What do we do? xxx

ftm, I'd bet telling him to fuck right off to the spare room. x

Thanks, TheVisitor, Yeah, maybe I'll try that. I'm getting a bit pissed off with being the compliant peacemaker - it never gets you anywhere I've realised...

christ almighty, another thread about selfish men who seem to think that because they married a woman they can fuck on her anytime they like

sgb says everything I want to say on these threads

so, what she said (again)

Alpha male= arrogant twat, IMO

"men's men" ???

they can fuck off too

i'm genuinely at some of these tales!

its all quite abusive imo and makes me glad.....very glad....that i have no man living here

please dont all just 'put up' with this,righting it off as 'men being men' its actually horrific!

I hear you, but I kind of go with the "its as good as it gets" motto. There is absolutely no such thinng as perfect and where you compromise in one department you win in another. I really truly love my DH and he is a commited brilliant dad.Everything always sounds worse in print, out of context and when you know nothing about the actual people involved.
Which isn't to say he's getting off the hook on this one....
I think he/we just always (foolishly) assumed our sex drives would be on a level and recently they've not been and its a new thing in our relationship we have to figure out. And I have to "teach" him how to communicate properly about it....

its not sex drive so much,its the disturbed sleep!!! when we all had newborns,then being woken up was a necessity,but now????

smacks of disrespect! totally

"teaching" a man how to respect others was his parent's job, not yours

if he doesn't know how to do it by now...

I don't disagree with that statement, AF, but I'm not sure how to instigate THAT conversation with the DSs!

Agreed, but "teaching" him how to communicate with those he is very close to I am prepared for....especially since this is one of the most commonest stumbling block that couples trip on. I'd rather have a stab at it myself before resorting to an external source to help. I admire your strong views though AnyFucker

I am including "respect" to mean the general respect that we all have for each other

good manners, respect for others opinions, respect for others feelings, asking before taking, acknowledging boundaries aetc etc

I don't see the lack of sexual boundaries between a man and wife as anything different

he has no more right to sex with his wife than with any woman on the street

if he groped a woman on the street repeatedly he would be locked up

children learn respect for others at an early age...respecting sexual boundaries is just part of that continuum (unless you are some sort of fucking neanderthal, or just genuinely see women as second class citizens...like some of the men on this thread)

FC, I don't thnk my views are particularly "strong"

Not respecting someone's boundaries, sexually or otherwise, is fucked-up

The added twist is that some men seem to view their wives as pieces of meat, and some women excuse it, condone it and go along with it because they think it is expected

it isn't, or it shouldn't be

Butterbur, I don't think it's a specific conversation, it's partly through example, like stopping tickling/play-fights/hugging the moment the other person says no/wants to move away/seems unhappy. About asking for hugs/kisses, rather than just swooping on them. About not sulking or making a big deal if they say no.