feel so guilty

[Geraldine2009]

Hi, I know I've been a shit wife in the past, and the guilt is eating me up.

A couple of times, I've had a drunken kiss in a club with a stranger. I justified it to myself by telling myself it was no big deal, didn't mean anything etc. I didn't want to confess, it seemed too small a thing to ruin a good relationship over.

Lately though, we have started to try for a baby and I can't help feeling that I should tell him so he knows what a horrible person I am. Does he deserve to know before he has a kid with me? I'm making myself feel sick with the stress, and I don't know what to do.

Please be gentle with me, I need advice not a flaming!

Its not ideal behaviour, how do you think your dh would react?
If your sure your never going to do it again and chances are you won't, your life will change drastically after having a baby.
If your feeling so bad about it, I would be tempted to tell him, but you'll get split opinions either way on here about 50/50 so at the end of the day its your call.

I think he'd forgive me, but I can't face hurting him and him knowing I'd let him down. One of the reasons I've not said anything before is that he would feel bad, even if I might feel better.

I have a problem with alcohol, I drink too much then throw myself at people. I'm better these days, but only because I don't go out. What if this means our relationship has issues? I don't think it does because I've always been like this.

I really don't know what to do for the best.

Maybe it doesn't mean your relationship has issues, but that you have issues with alcohol?

How do you behave when you are drinking at home? How much do you drink?

Only you can say whether you secretly yearn for another man or more excitement than you have with your husband.

Did you just have a kiss or did you arrange to meet or go further sexually? If you just had a kiss, what stopped you going further? Where was your husband when you were doing this?

Oh sorry, you just said that. D'oh.

Maybe if you address your alcohol issues through counselling or something, you can also get this past behaviour out in the open and deal with it.

Personally (this imo and without sounding mean) you should tell him as I would have doubts whether to have a baby with someone who has cheated on me several times and could to it again.

The odd drunken kiss means you have a problem with drink, not necessarily with your husband, although why were kissing someone else if you are happy with him? If you're sure you are happy with him why risk your relationshiop over something so small? Perhaps you need to go out drinking with him rather than without him - then, if you do get drunk you're unlikely to do anything rash.

I don't know why I have done it in the past, it has literally been twice and the last time was more than two years ago. I don't consider it cheating, and I'm sure I would never do anything else again. I know it is wrong, that's why I'm cut up about it now.

Part of me thinks he deserves to know, the other part says he deserves to not know, why put the bad feeling in his life too? Maybe the best thing to do is to make sure it never happens again and move on.