he's not in love with me anymore...

[FriggFRIGG]

i started this thread in chat,but it's probablly not the best place for it...

fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck

last night i came to the end of my tether.

i asked DP to leave. and i think he really might.

DD will be utterly,utterly devestated.

im not even sure its what i want

shit.

we have a long standing problem in that i want to get married,and he wants to wait until everything is flower meadows and skipping.
so i asked him outright if he was in love with me.

he told me he love's me,but he is not in love with me anymore.

not sure there is any moving forward from that is there.

DD is 2.8yrs,all she will know is that her most precious person,daddy,has left her.
tbh,i think she'd be happier with him...

sorry if its a bit jumbled.

She wouldn't be happier with him.

Are you sure you're in love with him? I've never been in love with someone where it wasn't mutual. It would seem very strange.

I'm sorry you're going through this - it's really awful, isn't it?

thankyou

im not sure how i feel anymore...im numb.

only fear left.im terrified of destroying our family.

How were you getting along with your partner before this, wedding plans aside? Is he good to you? Does he act in a loving way? Is he affectionate? Can you talk to him about anything?

weve been distant.
he is fantastic.
i guess im just not good enough any more.

Don't put yourself down!, of course you are 'good enough' for anybody.

Maybe you have both just got into a bit of a rut and you can probably work through this. Its hard to keep relationships as exciting as they were at the beginning, especially with young children, do you go out together as a couple anymore?

You haven't destroyed your family, he has by his actions towards you so no he is not fantastic.

Your DD would be happier too with you.

Do you think your man met someone else?

no.he wouldnt have the time.

but he is going away to london in two weeks and im pretty frightened that he might.

A perceived lack of time is irrelevant.

When did all this being distant towards each other actually start?. What brought you to the point of asking him to leave?.

Staying numb won't help you any, where's your anger towards him for saying such a line to you (and it is a line) and the fire in your belly?.

Frigg, can I rec you look up Laura Munson. If it helps any I am going through the EXACT same thing. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to. My DS is 3.7 almost.

I know lots of poeple are having affairs, but not always. I know my DH isn't for example - but I do knowe have both been lost charcter wise and he also has a lot of other shit going on, which i think all of these things contribute.

Like I say, please contact me if you think it may help.

oh found it online an excerpt anyway

thankyou maxy.

It's perfectly possible to be in love with someone who doesn;t love you, or used to but no longer does. Love is not an external event, it's a choice you make.
Upsetting though this is for you FF, what you need to do now is a little research into where you would stand WRT housing, maintenance, benefits, childcare etc. Then sit your DP down and say, 'If you don't love me then we should separate, and here's what's going to happen.' If he says he doesn;t want to separate then ask him what he does want. Because what you mustn't allow to happen is for him to use the threat of leaving as a way to keep you on the hop, constantly scurrying around trying to please him. If he doesn;t love you, then he isn't entitled to continuing domestic, emotional and sexual servicing from you while he works out what he wants to do.