When to call time.........

[MeelooMouloo]

How do you know when yr marriage/relationship has become pointless?

Really struggling to find the positives in DH & our 3.5 yr marriage. Have had one failed marriage, feel really disappointed & upset that my 2nd seems doomed to fail also. End of 1st marriage was v cut & dry but not so this time. Just feel I am wasting my time & have run out of ideas to make it work. Have had marriage counselling & things did improve whilst we were attending but since it stopped in January we have gradually declined back to where we started.

Just looking for some pointers to help me decide, would love to salvage something from this mess but just can't see where to start. Have tried the pros/cons list but not sure I can be objective about it at the moment (cons were much bigger list). Equally don't want to just stay together just because we have children?

So confused.

For me it was when I looked forward to him going out instead of looking forward to him coming home.

I've never been married so can't speak from that perspective but as someone whose 4 and a half year relationship is on the rocks I believe that you pretty much know that a relationship is finished if, for a very sustained period of time , the bad days together far outweight the good.
At the moment I am ashamed to say that I am actually far more at peace in my mind when my BF isin't around.

However the fact that you say things improved when you went to counselling would indicate to me that your marriage isin't a hopeless case. Why did you stop attending? Might it be a good idea to go back again?

But don't feel a failure because your relationships haven't worked out as you had hoped. The older I get the more astonished I am that there are ANY people out there who actually manage to make their realtionships work.

Sorry that probably was no help whatsoever, just wanted to lend some support

Thanks Fallingstars

Stopped counselling as was getting difficult to get babysitters for kids & because counseller felt we were making sufficient progress to carry on by ourselves. How wrong can you be?

Come to the conclusion that i fall for the wrong people. Always someone who I feel needs "helping". It's probably me :)

In what way do you feel your husband needs helping MeelooMouloo? I think some if us do definately have a trend to fall for a type and it isin't always immediately apparant. It can take years for a persons real personality to come through, especially if we are always making excuses for them.

Would you consider going back to counselling? It sounds as if the counsellor you had was incorrect in their assessment that you didnt need any more help. How long were you going to counselling? Is your husband equally as disatisfied with your current relationship?