I am worried about the future with DH.
We are very proud parents of a 6 month old DC conceived after 3 years of fertility treatment/IVF etc and we had just about given up. We have been together for 16 years and if I am honest pre-dc had lapsed into a slightly separate arrangement of living a good while back. We muddled along quite happily but had separate interests, spent our free time in different rooms of the house and didn't socialise together very often. I am very sociable but DH is a home bird and very sport obsessed, hence me watching a different TV.
DH is very easy going and laid back. I would be more the driver of anything to do with the house maintenance or improvements, financial arrangements, holidays etc. This worked ok for us as I enjoy things like that - I am also the main breadwinner and am ambitious for us. He doesn't mind this and I suspect quite likes not having to worry about these things. I hope I am not giving a really bad impression of him he is kind and loyal and works hard at the job he does he just prefers a stress free life.
I was the one who wanted a family and who pushed for the fertility treatment. DH loves DC but was definitely worried about everything changing.
Now we are running into problems. I love love love being a mum and have never felt so happy and fulfilled, DH loves being a dad too however I think it has shone a spotlight on our relationship and it doesn't look too good. I have started to resent having to mother DH as well, I am starting to wish he had more get up and go. We are spending more time together but up until recently rowed a lot mainly about who was doing what. I was a bit over the top about cleanliness and doing things right as this is my first child but he took it as nagging. I am making a conscious effort to chill out and we are getting on better but all this is going round and round in my head.
The plan is that DH gives up work to stay at home and I go back to work full time, it is the only way financially. DH can't wait for this but I am dreading it. I think this is a big part of the problem, I just feel so resentful that it will be me shouldering all the responsibility for finances the house etc as usual while he will get the thing I want more than anything to stay at home with DC.
I am starting to worry that I won't be able to get past this , the closer it gets to going back to work the more I am freaking out. It feels like once i go back I will be trapped, but there are no alternatives - all our finances depend on my job. Its not DH's fault, this was how we planned, he hasn't changed. I just wasn't prepared for how I would feel and worry our relationship won't withstand it. Am I being selfish?
I don't even know what i expect anyone to say, I just felt I had to get it out at least. I have name changed for this.
Thankyou