i need advice...we rarely fall out

[280169]

brief back ground
married 15 yrs 2 dc 10 n 12 both work full time long hrs no external input re household or childcare, pretty happy usually

last fri i gutted house no worries quite happy to do that oh does most of cooking i constantly pick up after dc etc etc do rest oh house stuff manage money book hols get pressies for family etc

mothers day was yuk got woken early by alalrm that does not switch off so had to get up
all toys left out from sat nite ( i was out til 10 not drunk)

no mothers day card or gift ( not that i expect anything expensive just a token) usually get something

i said i was upset by ths dh laughed at me

he took kids to play sport i ironed then thought sod it

if that is how little they appreciate me then i will do bare minimu for them, i know house was clean etc from friday beds changed uniforms ready etc etc so i sat down
they turned up at lunch time hurridly wrote a card they got from shop across the road and gave it to me...
i do think 5 mins of time on the sat would have been nicer that a last min card on sunday lunch time

kids knew i was upset and dd tried to make me feel better bless her

i spoke to dh when they were in bed to say i felt let down and unappreciated i know its just a day yo many but its mothers day and i never let him down so i think a small bit of effort to just say we appreciate what you do would not go amiss

he just blatently ignored what i was saying

now it has escalalted as i am doing just enough for house to tick over ie doing tea but not clearing table for the etc etc, dh is doing it but house is now a tip of bits n bobs left out coats not hung up worktops cluttered beds not made etc

i was working til 9 lst nite but we barely spoke

i have become determined not to give in and clean up (as i said i am doing what needs to be done to keep us ticking over)
i feel like if i dont make this stand i wil become a dor mat and they will always just expect me to pick up clean up etc

i have no idea why he is being like this and why he ignored mothers day he never has before and dd had apparently reminded him.

i feel rubbish cos we never fall out and kids can tell i am sad just by the way things are

do i just give in and end up an unappreciated skivvy or am i being lazy

i know i know i know life is crap sometimes, time to get a rota up and running, get kids to do chores, get H to do things spilit the duties - the way it works in my house is I call time rather than waiting for anyone to do stuff off their own back everyone does chores for 30 mins (i tell them what needs doing) then goes back to normal life and their activities (all hands on deck I call it) can be a bit army sometimes but it means everyone mucks in and at the same time 4 people doing chores for 30 mins = 2 hours = peaceful tidy house with everyone feeling like they've contributed at the same time

TBH I think you're annoyed at the wrong person.

It's up to your kids to make a fuss of you on Mothers day, as they're old enough.

It's not for your dd to remind him, but for him to remind your dd, surely?

and rules are important, hang up coats, hang up wet towels put dirty washing in the basket, etc etc etc dont expect someone else to clean up after you if you are capable of doing it at the time, 10 and 12 is old enough to help out really

my boys are 18/19 and they help and i have always expected them to - they dont do cards and there is no one to nudge them in that direction but Id rather they help around the house all year that shows love for their mother but i am lucky or maybe just bossy

token...thanks some excellent advice there sometimes you just can't see the woods for the trees.I will definately try the all hands on deck approach.

mumble maybe you are right it is time for them to grow up.

Sighhhhhh him just not giving a sh!t wound me up

i have mellowed a bit tonight after i shoutedat him and he apologized ofr laughing

I know it will pass I hate falling out its just not us :(

thanks for the advice

By not doing things you are showing just how much you do do. They can see now that the mess wouldn't be there if you cleaned up after them.

It's rude that he forgot, especially so since he was reminded, just lazyness on his part.

Keep it up and hopefully an apology might be forthcoming.

this is your second thread about this isnt it??

yes lou it is, I was fed up on Sunday and posted but it just continued and I am just not sure if I should be just greatful I have a family or making a stand to get them to help out more.

On Sunday someone said to stop being a martyr and I thought although I was a bit hurt they were right, if I want things to change I have to stop as they said being a wet blanket.

Hence why I stopped the picking up etc....