A DS worry, not DH!

[Teachermumof3]

DS is nearly 10 (eldest child) and he seems to be 'bored' or fed up all of the time! DH and I can't really seem to find what's the matter. He can name all the things under the sun he doesn't like (namely reading, writing...-which he doesn't find difficult at all-just doesn't like 'having' to do them), but not what he does like to do. He doesn't really have any hobbies-he's tried karate, gym, football, cubs (well, beavers-a few years ago) but never does them for very long and constantly seems to be 'waiting' for something more exciting to happen. I think he thinks everyone else in the world is out there having lots more fun than her, but he never seems to come up with anything that he'd like to do. His younger sister wakes up in the morning with a bee in her bonnet about something she'd going to make/buy/find/do, but he will always say 'what are we doing today?' or 'is anyone coming round today?'

He cried at bedtime today (probably just tired after a long half term and in need of a break) that he didn't want to have to read/draw/listen to stories at bedtime-he wanted to do something interesting, but I'm pretty sure that means 'play on the computer' which we don't want him doing at bedtime. He's not keen on reading and doesn't like being made to do it, but 99% of me thinks 'tough'-it's that or go to sleep. He is a lovely boy, but seems to be acting so hard done by at the moment. We've suggested he do cubs or another such club, but he can't think of anything he'd like to do-he's not terribly interested in anything. As someone who has rarely been bored, I don't understand and have run out of things to suggest. He seems to be spending his childhood being sad and waiting to be entertained :(

Has anyone got any ideas of things to try/say to him. He's a bright, articulate boy with plenty of friends, but just seems to have lost his spark. He's never really been very good at entertaining himself, come to think of it-but to be sad and fed up but unable to think of what makes you happy, is just sad :(

To be fair why would he read anymore when he has learnt to read?

Most children of his age spend all their time on computers, there is nothing wrong with it it is what they do, and that is because it is 2011 not 1980 when it was frowned upon.

Children at 16 now are more proficient in computer useage than your average 40 year old because they have grown up with computers.

Does he like films? How about watching DVD's?

The things you talk about him doing are babyish, cubs etc.,

He is 10 not 7.

Blimey, FabbyChic, what's up with you? The OP is trying to do her best for her child. A child who reads will find education easier than one who doesn't, generally speaking. How can you say that someone - least of all a ten year old - shouldn't have to read once he's learned?

As for cubs - many boys really like going there. Are you really saying he should just sit on the computer the whole time in preference to having other activities?

To be fair why would he read anymore when he has learnt to read?

I can't believe that anyone could possibly write that sentence as if reading was learning to decode!!

The last thing he wants is spending lots of time on the computer or watching TV. He needs to be out and about with others. He is just about the age of Scouts which isn't babyish-it gets them out, using their initiative and teaching life skills.

He sounds as if he might be depressed. If he has plenty of friends could you do more with having them around?

My mouth is open too at FabbyChic's post, particularly the bit about reading. What would be the point of learning to read if you weren't going to then do it? You can read all sorts of things; it doesn't have to be novels. He could read comic books or annuals or encyclopaedias or books about his favourite football team or newspapers or How To Collect Stamps.

Cubs is for boys of 8 to about 10.5; it's not babyish for a 9 year old, and, as someone else has said, they can move on to Scouts at 10. My 9 year old loves Cubs.

I don't see how reading, drawing, karate, gym, football etc are babyish. I read a lot and I'm a lot older than 7. My 12 year old still likes drawing and writing stories/film scripts/comic books.

I know you've probably tried all these things but would he at bedtime do something like play Rush Hour or Solitaire, or Lego or K'nex? Does he have a lot of time watching TV or on the computer? When mine do, everything else is boring to them. When I limit it or we get out of the habit, they stop asking to play Wii all the time or have their DS or whatever.

That idea that 16 year olds are more proficient on computers than us dimwitted oldsters is a canard anyway. They may use them a great deal but that doesn't mean they automatically have mad programming skillz and are hacking into the MoD. They use them as consumers -- as do most people.

Anyway, OP, fwiw I believe you are right that reading is crucial. We all need to do things that encourage us to lengthen our attention spans . . . not shorten them with the constant distractions of the Interwebs. (not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.)

But I do wonder if your DS could be suffering from depression, as the inability to take interest in anything is a classic sign. Children can become depressed -- it might be worth talking to your GP.

talk to his teachers see if tehy ahve noticed any change etc.

if issues also at school you can ask for educational psychologist to a ssess.
and talk to GP about it too.

if he unhappy you need to get to bottom of it maybe with outside help
referral to psychologist can take time - so get teh referral done tehn try various things while waiting eg scouts etc

Thank you all so much for your help. I'm glad not all of the replies were like the first; I started to wonder if I was being totally unreasonable.

He told me this morning that he's sad at school because all of his close friends want to play football all of the time and only pick the really good players (even when they have his ball!) and he feels left out, so that probably isn't helping.

Thank you also for the suggestion about the EP. My SIL is an EP, so will talk to her over Easter.

Will hang in there with the reading! I'm not the only one that gets their children to read at bedtime, am I?

If he wants to join in with the football build his confidence in his skills by getting him into a team out of school - all levels are out there.

Also if some activities bore him try him on one that needs focus for the duration eg squash or tennis - no hanging around fielding like cricket! He may not be showing much interest but when he's had a go he may find one he really does embrace.

On the plus side wanting people to come round is sociable/hospitable - also useful skills.

My DS (12) wasnt a reader at all until during year 6 when he discovered the Harry Potter books. First the readings by Stephen Fry and then afterwards the books themselves. Across a year or so he read the whole series with enthusiasm.

Rather than pushing the reading, how about encouraging him to listen to recorded books?

My eldest was a bit like this at his age, always thought the rest of the world was having an exciting time, and he was not included.
I think hormones are probably creeping in, and he probably needs a little more intelectual stimulation than he did previously.

Dont dismiss the computer or playing computer games, if he is any good he could enter tournaments. Two of my nephews have been very sucessfull at this and it has been very lucrative money wise and is financially assisting one through uni.
Try and encorage sports as well, would he be interested in joining any sort of organisation such as scouts, sea scouts or similar?

I am glad that you got some replies-I am still reeling over 'why would he read anymore when he has learned to read'-I have heard some ridiculous statements on MNs but that one now goes to top place!!!
I got my non reading 10yr old hooked on Anthony Horowitz.

I know that you have tried a lot of things but it is worth continuing. I know a DS who had a hard time, being useless (and uniterested) in football. He took up kayaking and takes part in competitions and it just did wonders for his self confidence and gave him new friends and something to do outside school.

I have one DS who thrived with Scouts-it does a lot outside the weekly meeting and also gave him a circle of friends and he loved the camps, midnight hikes etc. It isn't for everyone, my other DS wasn't interested.

Perhaps if you could just find the one interest you will have cracked it.

It is easy just to allow him to play computer games and watch TV, but doesn't solve his problem-in fact it makes it worse. He will still have grown up with computers-he doesn't have to be attached 24/7!!

He sounds like a fairly typical 10 year old, and sometimes you just have to arrange things for him to without too much discussion. Everything is "boring" and everyone else does all the exciting things that he's not doing and that's true because all his mates told him etc, etc. Don't stress, take him up to try out scouts, take him swimming without talking about it, and kick him out of the house on his bike to call on his friends. It's also good to try and find the odd bit of time to do cool stuff with just you and him.

Things my 10 year old nephew was into:

Fishing (can't think of anything more boring myself but at the age of 14 he is still hugely into this)
Snooker/Pool (not so healthy outdoors but nephew discovered he was good at it - not so good at football - and friends were impressed with this so it built his confidence up)

Also if he wants to play computer games I just wondered if you have a Wii that you could all play together?

Wow-thank you again for the great responses! We've already got him listening to Stephen Fry reading the Potter books as well as some Anthony Horowitz, so that's working nicely; it just wasn't last night! He has also said he likes crosswords/wordsearches, too-so I've just bought him a book of those ;)

He wants to do fishing actually too, but neither of us has a clue about how to start-what would we need? It sounds like something that needs lot of patience (I'm not sure he has that much!)?

I have to say that he does sound like a typical boy. My experience (with mine)is that they will wait for others to initiate things rather than be proactive.

My ds age nearly 8 is similar - I've joined the library and he's borrowed a book and loved it, so I bought a few more of the same author from Amazon.

I've also subscribed to National Geographic for Kids and he'll read the comic. The Book People do lovely sets of non-fiction books cheaply.

How about more 1:1 sports - golf, tennis, badminton, swimming, gymnastics. I think they need to dabble in a lot of things before they get the right fit for them. My ds isn't very good at sports and will often complain that sport is boring as nobody passes to him. He enjoys swimming though as it's not a competitive sport and he can go at his own pace.

Regarding the fishing - google search for an angling club near you. They'll often have a junior club. Or ask at the local pet shop, they may have a card in the window for an angling club.

Good luck!

Find your local angling club here