Really horrible argument, can't stop feeling so stressed!

[getagoldtoof]

hello, I hope it's ok to let off some steam. I wish I had a punchbag. I am 4 mnths pregnant, and since I've been pregnant - I've been grumpy. I feel sick, tired and fed up most of the time. I work two jobs, 70+ hours a week and am studying for my MA. A family member of mine is terminally ill and I've been disowned by part of my family for being pregnant out of wedlock. I am pretty worked up, always rushing, and always on edge. To top it all, I can't sleep!

My boyfriend says I've been acting like a real bitch. In typical bitch response I told him to shut his fucking mouth. I tried to fall asleep and he was muttering something about 'not even having sex anymore'. I went wild, and started throwing cushions all over the place. He just said 'you're making it worse', which I know I am. I know I have, but I'm so angry that he can't see how difficult things are right now.

I also feel incredibly guilty that this isn't the happiest time of my life. I am not glowing, I am fuming; all of the time. I know my circumstances are tough, and they will change but will our relationship be damaged beyond repair? I am also worried that this stress may be impacting our unborn baby... Is this a possibility?

I am finding it hard to accept his complete lack of understanding, and have tried to talk to him about it. He says he loves me a lot, but finds it tough to hear the constant moaning. I feel like I'm losing my best friend, who is able to have a normal social life, and do what he wants and I resent him and am jealous.

As I'm writing this I feel so sad. I know I'm a mess, I suppose I need reassurance, is this a shit relationship, or is this normal considering what life is like for us right now?

I think its just a rough patch. Dp and I went through the same thing in the first half of my pregnancy. Ds is three weeks old now and things couldn't be better. I was a proper bitch and I didn't have to deal with half the stuff you do. It doesn't seem like it now but I'm sure things wil get better. The truth of it is men just don't have any idea what we're going through physically and emotionally and they've got their own stuff to come to terms with about being sa rather (which when your the preg one, fEel it pales in comparisson). Hope my middle of the night ramble helps! Make sure you rest when you get the chnce.

Also sorry about your family. Some of my family was the same but they came round!
Xxx

You sound like you are under WAY too much pressure and your poor DP is getting the shitty end of the stick. Perhaps this is time to look at your priorities and drop a few things from your life (you might find you will need to anyway when your DC is born). This situation is not helping anyone, you are trying to be superwoman, and I think you need to be a bit kinder on yourself as well as on your DP. Even if stress is not harming the baby, it is harming your relationship with the baby's father, and that is really important.

So you are 4 mnths pg, suffer from nausea. Just that would put a big strain on anybody.
Then you are working 2 jobs and have major family problems.

Tbh I'm not surprised you are angry/tired/on edge at the moment!

my best advice would be to take it easy for the rest of the pg. Could you stop one of your jobs and the MA (and start again later when things are much more manageable)?

Just take a few days off and try and figure out what is making you so edgy, then have a word with your DP and tell him. See together how you can pull out of this one. Try to have a 'strategy' to deal with family reactions, work etc...

Could you explain why you think he is able to have a normal social life and not you? Is it because he can drink when going out and not you or is it because of the nausea?

Why have you got so much on your plate? Why have 2 jobs? If money is tight, can't he help pick up the slack?

Thank you so much, it is really helpful to come back and have a few new viewpoints.

The MA (year 1), and 2nd job both finish in 6 weeks. I know it's too much, and I am being a bit of a martyr but I just want to get them both done, out the way and finished. I knew it would be difficult, I suppose I just thought he would become some kind of superman, picking up the pieces I couldn't do.

I know he can't do everything round the house, etc and he works two jobs too. We are trying to save money up for when the baby gets here, and truly thought this was sensible, its also my first management role, and such good experience I couldn't pass it up. He does go out, to the pub with his friends, but I am too worried about coursework right now to see mine without that guilt creeping up on me and am just too too tired really. I want him to go out though, I know he has fun, but I am just jealous. I am smiling now, thinking how silly it is to think that this much strain would produce a happy couple.

However inadvisably, I am determined to keep it up for the next 6 weeks, so am trying to think of some coping strategies. I have got a cleaner in starting tomorrow two hours a week for 6 weeks, and will revert to ready meals and bagged salads every day. I think I will also start going to bed early, whether he is ready or not.

Thanks for your support. It is nice to know I am only going mad temporarily, and really pleased to hear your DS is a beaut Annpan

Oh, and my family have apologised for being horrid, the strain is getting to them too.