Has anyone out there seperated from husband and managed to reconcile things?

[Montessorisam]

How do you do it? How long were you separated? IS IT POSSIBLE after so much water under the bridge, crap pasts, many many arguments. We have 3 kids. Part of me just wants to make it work so that we can all be together....but the other part of me definately doesn't want anymore stress. Buy boy is this hard! Youngest child is 22 months - sleepless nights still. Middle boy is 6 - started wetting the bed again. Oldest is 9 - last night she had a nightmare, crying out 'no no no'. This is how my nights have been for past week.....

We have only been apart for two weeks and when he left we both felt it was definately over but reality is hard! I know that we both need lots of time still but how do you go about making it work?

does he want to?? i mean,REALLY want to?

or,as you say,is it just easier

Well I know we would both have to REALLy want to for it to ever work again. And I couldn't have him back until we were bothh sure cos that would be so wrong on the kids.

Sometimes it feels a hell of a lot easier and sometimes it is just miserable!!

Not sure if this is relevant or even helpful, but my parents were separated for almost 8 years when they got back together for 5 of the happiest years they have had (according to both of them).

that, they worked through a lot of stuff while they were apart, both had therapy (which sounds airy-fairy maybe but they both claimed it helped them) and got back together because they truly loved each other...

It sounds like your situation is a lot different (and sounds very hard!) I hope you get the help you need (in practical terms) so that you can make the right decision for you and your children.

Why did you split up? Do you have another thread?

I think it does depend on how much you BOTH want it, but also has anything changed about the factors that made you separate?

i know is realy hard but it depends on the reasons for seperation,if he wasnt abusive and you both think you can make it wrk then seek counselling together and see how it goes.all the best

I agree with the posters who say it depends on why you split in the first place. It's still very early days for you so I would say take some time to focus on yourself, invest in yourself and see how you feel in a few weeks. This time will give you chance to work out if you want him back because you love and miss him or if it's more a case of you don't like being alone. In other words, you would be sure you were getting back together for the right reasons.

I don't know the answer I'm afraid. Just wanted to share that I'm in a very similar position, with 3 kids under 7 and I am absolutely shattered. H has been living away from home for about 6 weeks now (has kids 2 nights every 5 to 7 days).

I am aware that my (already struggling) parenting skills are now pushed to the absolute limit and that I am being a really cruddy mum to my eldest 2 particularly. I just shout all day.

Got to the point wondering about anti-depressants just to cope.

BUT, no matter how awful this feels, it is not a reason to take H back. It is really important (IMHO) to separate the adult relationship with your H, from the role he played as co-parent. It would be awful to put the family through separation / reconciliation / re-separation, and I think this is almost inevitable if you didn't get back together for the right reasons (i.e. because YOU want HIM as your husband).

Hugs, it's tough and horrible. x

We split up last year for 6 months, best thing we ever did. We needed space and time to learn to listen to eachother. Our relationship (8 years) has never been better. It was soul crushing at times. But worth it x

I left my DH and DSs for 8 months in 2008 and lived very nearby (50/50 childcare). It was the best thing for us. I had PND and once started on ADs I was a lot nicer to be around. We talked a lot, mainly through email, and started dating once a week in the family home once the kids were in bed. He changed, and I changed but being apart took all the pressure off. A few times we had minor arguments on a date and I was able to just walk out of the door and go 'home', rather than have to be there all night and shout at each other like we used to.

We never intended it to be a permanent split, we both wanted it to be temporary, and just knew that we had to do a lot of work to get our relationship back. Having children makes massive changes to you both, it's something that doesnt seem to get mentioned very much in the baby books!

DH and I now been together 15 yrs and couldnt be happier

Good luck {hugs}

Hi thanks for your messages.

I made the mistake of taking hubby back and we lasted 3 days! Of course nothing had been solved in those two weeks. Two weeks apart isn't long enough. I just felt so bad for the kids, feel terribly guilty at having to tell them dad has gone again. He said he would stop drinking (drank every night - bottle of wine more or less - for 3 years) said he would stop smoking become more positive and that we could perhaps look to the future - move house -etc. Three days in we are the same as before. He is sat with his bottle of wine in front of telly. he seemed down. tried to talk about moving but the fact is that I am the country mouse and he is the town mouse so one of us will always be unhappy.

We just cannot communicate at all. We seem to be trying to hard at being togther instead of it just coming naturally. Does anyone understand this? I felt a sinking feeling when he walked in with his bottle of wine cos that just said to me that he isn't even trng to change the small stuff. And he says I am not trying to change cos I have to work hard at not being cross at the kids. Which I don't feel is true at all!!! I feel that I am the one that keeps it all running smoothly - look after the kids, homework, bedtimes, mealtimes, etc And of course it's the mum that cops the two hours of teatime battles so yes, I get cross with them but that's normal isn't it? But when this happens he seems to think that I can't keep it together. ANyway, I am rambling now.

I just feel pretty low today. He left again this morning and it hurts more this time because I hoped that things could be different and now I have to re-adjust again.

Hi everyspring. There is a lot more than his drinking too. I guess I'm not sure that he truly has a drink problem but I DO know that it is affecting our lives (though he denys this). We are supposed to be having a 'family tea' out in a minute (part of our trying for reconciliation). Beautiful day. I felt great until he pulled up in his car, threw the pram out of the boot and drove off to pick the kids up without even saying hello. Wow, he really knows how to spoil a good day! Just left feeling pissed off again now. So bloody up and down that it is draining! We were okay for 5 minutes this morning!

His major priority is running his business. Worked every saturday for almost 3 years, which has meant no weeknds, no short breaks, no day trips away (Sundays have meant exhaustion and arguments as a result) It is all coming to a head and can't see a way clear of it at all.