Which would you be most likely to do?
a) Maintain as much distance with the person as possible
b) let him "hide" his (or her) car around the corner and continue to meet them on a regular basis
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
If you were WRONGLY accused of having and affair with someone by the person you were accused of having an affair with
104 replies
HauntedLittleLunatic · 02/04/2011 14:44
OP posts:
HauntedLittleLunatic ·
02/04/2011 16:03
Exactly Hecate.
I know what I know because I have seen it. And been told other stuff along similar lines which is less important because that is hearsay.
When XP admitted things to me I was all up for telling OWDH but wasn't given the opportunity (OW seems to think there is a problem letting him out in a public place on his when I might be around 
).
I was going to let it rest.
But now I strongly suspect (and TBH it is still suspect, but you lot are essentially in agreement) that they are still having an affair I am thinking about telling OWDH. Why? This is what I am trying to make sure I am clear on. I have come to teh conclusion that I have nothing to gain (as there is no way XP) and nothing to lose.
But I am in a constant state of guilt. Guilt that if in 6m time OWDH is sitting where I am now and I didn't say anything then I would feel awful. If I tell OWDH the facts (which is that his car has been parked round the corner, and NOT that they are def still having an affair as that is speculation) then OWDH can make his own judgment and the fate of his marriage is in his own hands and not mine IYSWIM.
I feel that in the last 5 weeks so many people from so many area's of my life have admitted to me that it was obvious that DP and OW were having an affair that I just want to scream why didn't you say something. I have been having a constant argument with XP over it for months...and I just thought I was seeing things with green eyes. It wasn't until someone did finally say something that it made me realise I wasn't going mad. So what I am doing now to OWDH is what my friends were doing to me....not telling me to protect me. hvaing been where I have been over the last few weeks is what is making me think I should tell OWDH...not bitterness. But only if I am not going mad over the idea that they still appear to be seeing each other.
OP posts:
HauntedLittleLunatic ·
02/04/2011 16:07
She knows XP admitted affair to me. So she knows I know and don't just suspect IYSWIM.
She took time off work so he didn't have to do school run on his own when I would be there
OP posts:
sufficient ·
02/04/2011 18:41
My head hurts 
But present person XYZ or whoever with the facts. They should know I think. Be prepared for your friendship to take a knock.
PS Clarnico I laughed out loud, for a long time, like a loon at your first post 
dementedma ·
02/04/2011 21:14
I can't understand a bloody word of this and I've read it half a dozen times!
Who is shagging whom? 
lazarusb ·
02/04/2011 22:19
Also consider that when her dh does eventually find out, he will realise that you knew all this time too and didn't tell him. I'd tell him too, as gently as possible. If your ex and the OW don't like it I wouldn't lose too much sleep. You sound remarkably reasonable in the circumstances btw 
HauntedLittleLunatic ·
02/04/2011 22:27
OK, in plain english for those that are still with me, still interested...
XP has admitted an affair with OW.
OW has convinced her DH that it is was one sided and is shocked at XP's "disrespect for me"
XP has been booted out by me
XP still appears to be having affair with OW, which whilst not a problem to me I don't think her DH would be impressed. I am suffering some level of guilt and/or moral obligation to discuss this further with OWDH, given that he is a friend of mine in his own right (although I haven't seen him to speak to for a coupl eo fweeks because OW doesn't seem to want him to be alone with me .
Any clearer.
OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofDenial ·
02/04/2011 22:33
OP you should have provided paracetamol along with this thread 
I have worked it out and I think you should tell him.
NorbertDentressangle ·
02/04/2011 22:39
dementedma You get bonus points if you can work this thread out!
HauntedLittleLunatic sorry if I/we sound flippant its just the situation does sound quite complex especially for those of us who have had a drop of wine. I might try and read it again tomorrow when I stand more chance of understanding.
HauntedLittleLunatic ·
02/04/2011 22:43
No that's fine Norbet.
I appreciate it wasn't clear to start (and not even sure if it is clear now )
I guess I wanted opinions on the scenario without folks prejudicing me as the scorned victim wanting revenge.
I just wanted to work out (to make sure I was making a sane judgement) ...if after being accused of having an affair you would be seen anywhere near the person you were accused of having an affair with let alone cover it up with a car hidden round the corner.
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
dementedma ·
02/04/2011 22:45
norbert I am totally defeated.
For the life of me can't figure out who is boffing whom and what it has to do with the OP. I'm sure it's fascinating/stressful but its got me completely bewildered.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.