I know it's not Friday night but I have a sex question (nothing very exotic, you can take your bumsex elsewhere thank you very much!)

[biggerthanmyhead]

So DP and I have been together for a long time, around 8 years. Sex has always been good if infrequent since the kids have come along. But I think we may have a problem with premature ejaculation.

Basically when we met he always wanted to go slowly - a hangover from a previous LTR in which sex was a rarity and he felt he had to "make it last" because she only enjoyed very slow sex. I felt quite differently and in the throes of a new relationship wanted quite the opposite and had to sort of coach him into letting go and knowing it was ok for it to be all about him sometimes.

With various external factors meaning I've been permanently shattered for about the last 6 years, added to the fact that I never orgasm through penetration alone, I've been happy to continue this pattern of over-in-a-few-minutes sex. But in the last few months I've had a few moments when it's felt like maybe I could come if only he could last long enough. And since having my last baby he's found it even harder to last.

So I don't know whether this is now too ingrained to change or what, but we'd both like it to last longer. Sex is massively important to us both and we're open to trying pretty much anything (but like I say, been there done that with bumsex and my postnatal bottom says no more not ever ). Could anyone advise, or share similar experiences?

Cock ring?

Should help with making it last and the orgasming, I think.

Condoms with that desensitising stuff that is meant to help men last longer?

Love the name!

That's a good idea. We've got a couple of piddly little rubbery ring type things which came free with other stuff and aren't much cop, but maybe a bit of shopping is in order!

Euro yeah DP said something about getting some sort of cream and I said no way, MN would have the answers without resorting to quackery

Basically, you need to relearn the way you have sex, you have more chance of orgasming if you are on top, the benefit of that is that you can take it very slowly, it's the hip thrusting/fast pace that does it for men ( well it does for DH, can't actually say about any others) so if you keep him still and occupied with touching you, there is much more chance of him lasting as long as you both want. Lots of lube can help too, as can more sex.

The cream can work.

Also if he has a wank a bit before so he's recently come. Long enough before so he can get hard again, obviously. But soon enough that if it goes on for too long you feel ok to ask him to stop and don't feel obliged to finish him off as well!

Or starting and stopping a lot - when he feels like he's about to come, he stops and pleasures you in other ways and then start again, repeat...

Hmm. I usually go on top (most comfortable for me) and even moving really slowly he still has to ask me to stop quite often. I'm no oil painting but I think the visual aspect contributes

I don't mind having a go with the cream but I'd much prefer a long term fix IYSWIM?

You could look up about tantric sex? Isn't that supposed to give the man more control over whether he comes straight away or can hold on a bit longer?