Hi I'm new to this site and would appreciate some advice.
I split up with my Ex when my DS was 4 weeks old, and had to flee to a refuge because he was abusive. We went through the courts and I was given sole residency, and we agreed that he could have contact at a contact centre. I wanted DS to have the opportunity to know his father and hoped that he would address his behaviour, my only stipulation was that contact was safe.
However contact at the centre was a nightmare- he was incapable of addressing DS' needs even for the short time he had him, he would use it as a means to harass me by sending notes, screaming at me that I was a f*king Btch in the car park etc, regularly breaching his injunction. Cafcass became involved and his contact was changed to a different venue where he would be in a one to one situation with DS and a social worker, and I would be in the next room in case I am needed. This has been the situation for the past year (DS is nearly 3 now).
The problem is that this set up is not working, and due to funding it is not a permanent solution anyway. DS still has no bond with his father, and gets very distressed by contact. Ex behaves appallingly and the contact supervisor acknowledges this to me and in her reports, yet says we have no option but to keep persevering due to the court order.
My dilemma is how I should handle this from here. I have been extremely accomodating and always done everything I can to ensure that contact is as stress free as possible for DS' sake. However at the last few sessions the staff have insisted that I go in the room for the duration of contact because DS screams and clings to me and if I didn't do this then contact would not be able to go ahead. So I have to sit in a room for 2 hours with my abuser while he calls me babe, grills me about my personal life and at the last session, tried to take photos of me! I rang the supervisor last week as I was getting more and more upset, and reminded her that the court order only states that I have to make DS available for contact, and that my contract with them stipulates that I wait in the next room. I stated that if DS is still so distressed at being around my Ex then this is something that needs to be addressed by them, and that maybe they should intervene when DS gets so upset and curtail contact. Her response was that I could be penalised if I refuse to take DS in the room and remain with him, because I would be setting contact up to fail!
I feel like I am living in a nightmare at the moment and just want to take DS and leave when he gets so upset, or at the very least "let contact fail". Is it really my responsibility after 3 years of bending over backwards, especially when my Ex's behaviour remains as awful as ever, and reports agree with this?
Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate any views or advice.