Where am I going wrong?

[itmustbeme]

Had 3 really good friends. I don't see them all together, I know (knew??) them separately through different way means. The 4 of us were never together & none of them had the others numbers.

They were my closest & it's all gone wrong over the last fortnight.

One has admitted witholding vital information from me which would have helped me big-time in a courtcase. She's not a bitchy person, she was just a bit naive.

One has (it appears) seemingly just "dumped me". No contact from her whatsoever for a while now. It's obvious. This isn't a case that she may be going through her own issues.

The 3rd one has broken my heart. Again. Let him "in" when I shouldn't have. Again.

I must be a really horrible stupid thick idiout for people to think it's ok to do this to me. I wouldn't do it to them.

Why do I do this to myself? Think I know the answer. I just wanted to be liked. But quite clearly I'm not. It's my birthday soon.

First of all it is not you

I think its just unfortunate timing that all of these things have happened at the same time.

Friend 1 was naive not malicious - you can get passed this.

Friend 2 - do you want to maintain contact or do you think the friendship has run it's course? Some friendships aren't meant to be forever.

Don't know what to say about friend 3 - other than it is not you

it's not you. Please believe us when we say this.

Life just has a way of doing this sometimes, friends come and go, like the ebb and flow of the tide. Friend one didn't mean to hurt you if she's just naive.

If friend 2 has cut you off, it is her problem and her issue, not yours. I know that's easier said than done but can you just carry on as normal, contact her, try to arrang ethings with her etc etc?

Friend 3, well is he really just a friend? If your feelings are stronger than just friendship with him then it's always going to be complicated. But you can either see it as your failure, or just see it as events that add richness to your life..

You are not a horriblew stupid thick idiot. Human relationships are just hard. They always have been and always wil be.

And now my parents have just told me they're going away for my birthday so won't see me.

11th year in a row.

Still reckon it's not me? I would want me as a friend. I don't get it.

Honey, it's not you. 11th year in a row.... they have a tradition established for going away at this time.

My dad's birthday is 7 days after mine. 3 days after my sisters. When he left my mum, he and his OW then always went on holiday that week. This was after 22 years never going away late June/July as he burns. she refused to allow him to see us, he never fought to do so.

My 'H' has been going to leave since late last year. As he was preparing to leave at the end of January, my mum tells me she's booked a ticket to Oz/NZ for 5 weeks, when my sister and her family were off there too. Turns out she'd been talking about doing it since autumn last year. Didn't even mention me a thing about it until she'd booked the ticket in January. She still has not asked me if I'm OK. H left, she got back early March. Once you are single, I get that some women treat you differently, but my Mother? it's like she can't wait to get off the phone, conversation is superficial. I'm so hurt tbh

What you describe is not calculated, not from your parents. Your friend not telling you something? you yourself say she's a little naive.

The friend dropping you, that does happen, but if you have been going through a tough time (court cases are never easy) and she has dropped you, it says more about her as a person than it does you.

Try not to LOOK for evidence, you are grouping totally random things together and mis-interpreting them to prove that you are somehow in the wrong.

You are not. How's life aside from all this? You OK in yourself? Sleeping OK?

Thankyou for taking the time to help me.

In answer to your questions...

Friend 1 lied continuously to the point where she contradicted herslef so badly she couldn't get out of it.

Friend 2 I have texted her as normal to see if she can do coffee, I have deliberately kept things the same. I just don't get acknowledged any more. I did get 1 though explaining how she couldn't meet as she was too hungover from going out with friends the night before.

Friend 3 keeps breaking "his word". He lies. Not maliciously. Pointless stuff...which to me to makes it worse. He is emotionally immature. Lets me down repeatedly.

Parents - this happens at Christmas, Easter...all the time. One year they said they couldn't be bothered to drive to see me. I live 6 miles away. One year they said if I wanted to see them, I knew where they lived. One year my Dad had a cold so that was the "reason". This year they have decided to go away spontaeniuously (SIC) SOLELY for the 36 hour period which my birthday slots into.

I've never slept well...It's a vicious cycle. The less I sleep the more emotionally irrational I become...the more emotionally irrational I get, the sleep sleep I get.

Thankyou for caring.

Love, this is a hard one. You need to look at these people and see what they ADD to your life. If they don't add, only drain, then tbh, you need to re-think YOUR relationship with them.

Every once in a while we find ourselves surrounded by people that are, for whatever reason, not the right people to be with.

If friend 1 lied and lied and lied, then that is not naivety... that's a liar. Liars are shit friends and she needs to be at the very least, kept at arms length until she re-earns your trust. Give her a few months to do so, if she doesn't manage it, then cut her loose. TBH I would cut her loose right now, because I'd take that kind of lying behaviour for a trial personally.

Friend 2 is clearly not that in to you, so her loss. In isolation, if this were the only thing going on in your life it'd be merely annoying. Again, in isolation, I too would be pissed off enough by this to call it a day.

Could you actually CALL her and ask her outright if there is anything up?

Sounds like your parents are perhaps not the caring type, which is WHY you are chasing approval from them and from everywhere else.

That comment about knowing where they live is CRAP. Do you go over and see them more than they come and see you? Dothey have particular difficulties with getting to you? (I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt here> but ultimately if you have not taken these comments and actions out of context then TBU, YANBU to be mighty miffed at them. TELL THEM OFF, if that's what you feel like doing.

This is the tough bit, this takes real guts and determination, but you HAVE to detach. You HAVE to shrug your shoulders and say OK, whatever and get on with it. I just had mothers day at mums, it's so superficial it's awful. So she got a card that I merely signed, and an arrangement. Didn't hug her, didn't do anything gushy. I realised that she can't do friends, she can't be there for me. It's HER failing, not mine. Taken me 40 odd years to get here, but I can wholly recommend embracing the truth and saving yourself years of anguish.

As you go through life, your needs from relationships change, and it's not until the relationships you have are tested that you find out if they are still relevant to your life or not. Sometimes your life needs a massive clean-out. It could be that you have reached that time.

The reason I ask about sleep is that sleep disturbance and feelings of isolation from friends/people/parents is one of the effects of depression. Are there any other issues you are having, difficulty in concentrating, crying for no reason, loss/gain in appetite, feeling exhausted?

Is there a possibility that you could be depressed? if so, please check this out as soon as you can. MOST of us are unable to sleep if wound up, and all of us get more wound up if we don't sleep. there is nothing untoward about any of that.