Did you leave a functioning marriage because of your Hs affair? Regret it? Best thing you did?

[amicable]

Hi

There seem to be so many women at the moment struggling to stay in marriages where the H has been unfaithful (myself included, although we are actually now separated).

So many women who are living with a lot of unhappiness / anger / mistrust / disappointment etc etc etc.

I have been wondering whether it is even worth thinking about the remote possibility of salvaging my marriage. Whether accepting a painful break up now is better than sticking around for years of unhappiness and doubt.

So my question is - if your H cheated, did you leave a marriage that was actually 'ok' (i.e. not abusive or utterly miserable, but had maybe just slowly drifted into a neglected state, or even one that was just plodding along). If so, how do you feel about that decision now?

There were lots of positives in my marriage, we were mostly very good friends, but feels like too much damage, too much shit to wade through, too much risk.

Any answers would be hugely appreciated.

Thanks
A

bump

No responses because -

a) women who did leave their cheating H are too busy leading a full and happy life to feel the need to visit the relationships forum

b) the vast majority of women 'put up' with their Hs affair and commit to fixing their relationships, despite living with all the ensuing misery

c) this post was just too boring to look at

Really hope the answer is either a or c!!!!

I had a wonderful marriage. When he had an affair he didn't know which of us he wanted so I made him leave. He had the affair so I wasn't going to be the one moving out of the family home. I'm so glad I did. My heart is still broken but I could not have stayed married to him after that kind of betrayal.

Well if it really is a functioning marriage, then no one would be having affairs, would they?

Yes, I left my first H after his affair - and he's a genuinely nice guy who I'm still (many many years, a re-marriage and subsequent DCs later) very good friends with. So no, the marriage wasn't abusive - although we were both pretty miserable. I have always seen his affair a symptom of how crap things were rather than the cause of our split. We just didn't make each other happy - he's a hard man to live with, we were very young when we had our DCs, we were tired, stressed, broke etc and we blamed each other.

After the affair I stayed for 6 months. I could forgive him easily - but I couldn't forget. I couldn't not think about him with the OW - I just couldn't trust him. So I left - and it was hell for a good year or so, and then we just became friends. It was the best thing I could have done - I had a hard couple of years on my own with the DCs, then met DH and had more DCs - and now DH and Ex-DH are good mates and have just come back from the football together. Hard to even remember all the unhappiness now.