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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Quick opinions please

18 replies

femalevictormeldrew · 01/04/2011 11:36

Should probably be in AIBU but am too scared! We have been very busy doing renovations to our house, so much so that every Saturday / Sunday has been taken up for as far back as I can bloody remember. I got vouchers which we could use for a family day out (me, DH and the two kids), but we haven't had a chance so far (every weekend DH says he is too busy at the house). Last Sunday was my birthday, I thought maybe we would be able to go, but "D"H said he hadn't time. Still fine with this. Last night he went to his hobby and when he returned he told me they asked for volunteers for this Sunday to help with something, and was just running it past me to see if I would be ok with it. I sort of threw my toys out of the cot as they say, and said if he hadn't time to spend a day with us, then I couldn't see how he had time to spend it there. AND its Mothers day {sulks a bit more just for the fun of it}.

He will try bargaining with me today and tomorrow - "we will go next weekend instead" (I know we won't when the time comes). I know I can't TELL him not to go, but I will be pretty insulted if he does, and WIBU to let him know this? I feel guilty now (and I am sure he doesn't) and very unreasonable.

OP posts:
cloudybay24 · 01/04/2011 11:39

YANBU

2 Special sundays on the trot when you deserve to be made special and he can't make time for that? But still has time for his hobby and to volunteer for something?

Think he needs to get his priorities in order.

Why don't you do the family day with the DCs on Sunday on your own?

Portofino · 01/04/2011 11:40

Tell him - I bloody would! He is being very unreasonable.

JessicaDrew · 01/04/2011 11:40

no its mother's day you were right
its time to be a family!!!!

youretheoneformefatty · 01/04/2011 11:41

Ditto

NunTheWiser · 01/04/2011 11:42

YANBU.

TheVisitor · 01/04/2011 11:42

I'd tell him!

femalevictormeldrew · 01/04/2011 11:45

Thanks for your replies, I am getting all riled up here now Grin. I will tell him (maybe not as nicely as I should). Its very strange though, I actually feel bad about causing a fuss. And I know he doesn't feel a bit bad.

OP posts:
JessicaDrew · 01/04/2011 11:49

hate to imagine what his hobby is!!!!!
must be bloody important, catching and ringing migrating birds or something daftGrin

perfumedlife · 01/04/2011 11:54

The problem is, you tell him he is out of line and he spends the weekend with you and you know he is there under duress, can you enjoy it then?

I would rather he wanted to be with me.Sad

Nevertheless, it's mothers day, he must stay around.

femalevictormeldrew · 01/04/2011 12:08

Perfumedlife "The problem is, you tell him he is out of line and he spends the weekend with you and you know he is there under duress, can you enjoy it then?

I would rather he wanted to be with me".

Thats exactly right. If there has to be a scene about it, it takes the whole good out of it IYKWIM

OP posts:
VerintheWhite · 01/04/2011 14:53

How about you take the children out for the day, with a lovely picnic or pub meal and lots of treats and photo's. Lovely Mother's Day!

QueenBathsheba · 01/04/2011 17:27

Regardless of what he wants to do, he should be doing the right thing. So what if he doesn't enjoy spending the day with you and kids, make him.

If he leaves you alone on mothers day, he's happy, your mad. If you spend it together and your both unhappy at least its equal! and let it be known to him the fault is with him for being so selfish.

BEAUTlFUL · 01/04/2011 17:30

Mother's Day is bollocks, IMO (and I'm a mum!) but your birthday is important. Did he do anything for that at all - a present or anything..?

He did say he was only running the volunteering thing past you so don't go berserk, just say that you'd rather he didnt.

shimmerysilverglitter · 01/04/2011 17:38

He is a selfish twat.

IQuiteLikeVodka · 01/04/2011 17:54

I say pram Grin
however,YANBU, why does his hobby come before the house,which came before family time etc etc? the git!! I would tell him to do whatever he wants, then go without him,next time he wants to do something together you can tell him to shove off...but I'm childish!

IQuiteLikeVodka · 01/04/2011 17:55

oh and don't mark dad's day or his birthday either Grin

podsquash · 01/04/2011 19:36

he definitely needs to know you are upset. And of course you can say that you'd rather he knew not to be a twat and it is a shame you have to bring it to his attention!

podsquash · 04/04/2011 12:25

Any joy, OP?

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