please help me

[cuteboots]

Is it possible to fall in love with your ex? He now has contact with his son and Im starting to see a different side to him. Am I just being really stupid and need to get a grip??

It depends why you split in the first place and if you are both free and single.

Of course it is but you need to talk about why you split in the first place so you don't repeat mistakes.

There's usually a reason why they're an ex.

well its a bit of a long story. He was going through a bit of a nightmare with his ex i.e divorce and he was never supposed to be a long term thing or parenting material. Anyway I fell pregnant and being 38 decided Im gonna do this and didnt really tell him I was pregnant . Anyway I know that was a bit horrid but I really didnt think he be interested and hed also moved away! Hes now back and I cant help but think he has really changed and being honest I didnt really know him that well before. God that sounds bad doesnt it!! I also didnt think I could have kids and did take my eye off the ball!! My family arent keen on him which isnt helping!

didnt really tell him I was pregnant .

Eh? You either told him or you didn't. This is not something you can kind of mention.....

You got pregnant and thought you'd keep the Dad out of it

Ok, well that aside, am assuming that you've now had time to get to get to know him a lot better as he's been having regular contact with your DS?

Are you both free & single? If so I would say you're not being stupid at all. You obviously must have fancied him in the first place and it doesn't sound like you split over anything bad, just never really got together in the first place - right?

Could all work out really well IMO! Are you getting the impression he has feelings for you?

I know its not good and makes me sound like a right old cow bag but if you can see it from my point of view in that I really didnt think hed be interested as hes already got a couple of grown up kids and was never meant to be a long term prospect . Hindsight is a lovely thing to have and I know this was not the right thing to do and he does bring this up on a regular basis and tells me that he would have been there for me! Please dont judge me as Im not happy with what I did!! I also think I was in denial for a bit as I had been through every fertility test known to man when I was married and it just never happened.

moo moo farm, yes hes now seeing his son on a regular basis and tells me constantly that he thinks we should be together and that he made a huge mistake letting me go. Weve had a few little arguments and dont talk to each for about 2 weeks at a time but we always end up back together. I have never met anyone who infuriates me this much but at the same time you know that there is something else there!? I thought that by this age Id have it all sorted out but this whole situation is really frying my brain...Yes i have always fancied him and he only has to show up in his work clothes and that me happy!

Well if he can accept it and move on then it's not really anyone else's business IMO

Is he dropping hints about giving it another go then?

xposted with you sorry!

Aah sounds lovely and v promising to me but I am a sad old romantic

I would definitely go for it - good luck.

You know what - I'm going to say start dating. but DON'T tell your son this.

Life is too short to wonder and if he's interested, and you're interested, and you're both single, and you have a child together - well, you dind't split up over anything I would consider to be important (like abuse or financial fuckwittage, it sounds like you panicked). And if it doesn't work, you can go back to being coparents and your son will be none the wiser.

about 20 years ago me and my ex got together for week
sex was fabulous but we only planned a full time reconsilation at the millenium if we knew each other was single
and the rest is history [sceptical]

Moo Moo farm - I have to say Im probably a bit cautious as Ive been on my own for a while now but he keeps coming back and anyone that can do that has to be very brave as I can be a right stroppy mare. I think you put up barriers and mine have been firmly in place for a while.

Nothing wrong with having a few barriers - better than jumping in headfirst, particularly when you've got your DS to think of. Just try to relax a bit and enjoy it - there's no hurry to get serious; the fact that you've already got a child together doesn't mean you have to rush it. Just start 'dating' (separate to him seeing DS I mean) and see how it goes.

colditz- You are right and the word panic did feature very strongly in that bit of my life. I did make the right choice and god its tough but I now have a gorgeous little 7 year old. I think I have to give this a go as Id always wonder what if. He has now been back since Spetember last year and has done nothing but support me hugely...It may not work but at least I can walk away knowing I gave it a whirl.

Ooh he's 7? I was imagining a baby! Not that it makes any difference really - you'll just have to be really careful not to be 'datey' around him because at his age he won't miss a thing

Moo Moo Farm- I agree he doesnt miss a thing and I wouldnt want to do anything that upsets him in anyway.

You might as well give it a try, as both of you seem to be reasonable OK people (ie neither of you is abusive, or a substance abuser) but take it slowly.