This is MY life...

[merrywidow]

Today, I finally left a place of business that I held onto for sixteen years as my little 'insurance policy' whilst I was with my H. It was my bolthole, my only source of income, and it kept my self esteem intact when the going got tough.

For years I did everything I could to retain it, I went back to work six days after DD was born and three weeks after DS. I am self employed so if I wasn't there I didn't get paid and H gave me no money, in fact he took money from me.

I juggled my time, missed the DCs was always in a rush to get somewhere as it was a fair distance from home. I have had the fortune of having woderful childcare along the way

So today, I left as I no longer need my little 'insurance policy'; I will be there for the DCs now and have a little time for myself.

I still work, but now in something else that I absolutely love ( which H told me I was useless at but I am making a success of which has enabled me to leave the other behind )

This is MY life and I am really content and I wanted to share that even when you think there is no way out and everything looks bleak, you never know what is around the corner.

Am pleased this has worked out for you, and you are right, you never know what is round the corner..good luck!

Yay! Well done you. I hope your post inspires others.

Affirming.
Thanks MW.

When I left my ex 16 years ago I left not only him but my home, my job and my entire circle of friends. There were times when I missed my friends but, in the end, I never regretted it. It was the beginning of the rest of my life.
Well done OP, it's so empowering when you finally make that break isn't it?

I never really made the break from H, although I tried; he actually passed away and I was set free. But as I say in the title, this is MY life now and I will never ever put myself in a position again allowing myself to be subject to EA.

I discovered MN after he passed away searching for stuff on abusive relationships and I really admire the women on here who do manage to square up to some really awful men and say no more. They really have guts. I got free by default, but I suppose what you go through always stays with you.

I never thought of myself as a victim only part of a realtionship where the other person was unreasonable in the extreme and it wouldn't matter if I was a different woman; his reactions and behaviour would generally have been the same because thats how he thought and lived. The EA was about him not me.

merrywidow what you had to deal with was no less significant than anyone else. I didn't 'square up' to my ex. I asked for a trial separation which I knew he'd go for as he told me he wanted to spend the summer sleeping with students (!) but could only do it if I moved out. I wished him dead more than once, for a long time I thought that was the only way I would get away from him.
You are right when you say that it wasn't about you though, it is definitely his responsibility. Even if I'd been the perfect partner my ex would still have hurt me because that's what made him feel like a man.

Here's to being free

clink lazarusb

merry, you are such an inspirational woman!

Well done on the new life, what foresight of yours to have your bolt hole.

I have to say, blips aside, the life I lead today is so much better than I could have imagined it to be 2 years ago.

Things are really starting to improve for me, I'm getting busier and busier and my new role is hours/days to suit, getting me out and about nosing around properties and it's doing my fear of going outside the power of good!

The death of this last relationship will be the kiss of life to my future!

Evening Hissy, love the new name. When one door closes another always opens... I have lived my life with glass almost full attitude and its really kept me going through some tough times.

I always think;

nothing stays the same for ever

The on me tonight, I'm celebrating!

Tis my royal wedding name.... Might keep it!

I am an optimist too, just that the half full bit got a bit knocked over for a while, it's hard living with constant negativity, it's so draining.

Now he's not here, I can be as cheerful as I like, without being afraid!

With him, the happier I was, the more miserable he was and would try to bring me down.

Without him, the happier I am, the happier I AM!!