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Relationships

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Original poster

Younger men

14 replies

Cribbage · 29/03/2011 22:10

For a long time I have assumed my next relationship would be with an older man, as my ex turned out to be an immature twunt. He announced just before our baby was born that he no longer knew what he wanted from life, and ran off with someone else. I thought I would find someone who had done their 'finding themselves' so there would be no danger of history repeating.
But
A man has appeared in my life. No dates yet, just a couple of friendly evenings out. And oh my, he is lovely. I want to ask him on a proper date. But I am totally hung up on the fact that he is younger! He is 22 I am 27. Not a massive age gap by any means but I have a mortgage and children and a career and feel old. He has not got any of those things yet. I'm scared of ending up in the same situation as before. Could it work? Will it make me feel even older?! Would I end up mothering him?! Am I reading too much into it?

OP posts:

FoofffyShmoofffer · 29/03/2011 22:17

You are running with the ball abit
If you have the definite impression that if you asked him on a date he would accept then why not? See how it goes from there. The what ifs will spoil it for you. One step at a time.

It's not necessarily age. Dh was 19 when we met and I was 23. From the off we had same ideals, goals etc..

Older men can be just as immature twunts believe me. Age is no bloody indicator.

adamschic · 29/03/2011 22:18

I have been out with lots of younger men. I wouldn't ask him out on a date but wait until you get strong vibes from him that he wants to take it further. You don't necessarily have to start thinking about the future with this guy just yet. Enjoy it, and try and keep it fun and away from the DC's while you find out if you are going from the frying pan into the fire.

The age gap isn't that large maybe where you are in life differs but you can only do and wait and see.

ValiumSingleton · 29/03/2011 22:20

yeah only five years! maybe it won't work for ever but you are also young you know.

I think younger man age gaps can be problematic if say the woman is done having children and the man wants to have them.

jesuswhatnext · 29/03/2011 22:20

you will have no real idea about him until you get to know him a bit better! , i think you may be jumping the gun a bit here - how about a few dates and some fun before you start thinking long term?

ime age has nothing to do with maturity or sense of responsibility - my dh is nearly 10 years younger than me, he is the sensible one in our relationship.

just try and slow the old brain down a bit and think about a few dates, not life long commitment!

garlicbutter · 29/03/2011 22:29

Five years IS a big age gap when one of you is still studying or only just out of school. That's because people's biological growing-up processes don't finish until the early twenties, and also because living an independent life reveals more character. So 22 could be a tipping point, and he may turn out to be a bit "young" for you right now.

You won't find out until you go there, will you?

Original poster

Cribbage · 29/03/2011 22:54

I am one of life's planners, it's all about the future for me!
I'm most definitely not done having children so that bit's not too much of an issue, he does want kids too. We've had some deep conversations during which we have discussed those sorts of things.
He has sent me some quite flirty texts about how lovely I have looked when we have been out for the evening, and how my ex is clearly a fool to have let me go. He added me as a friend on Facebook and on that day made sure it was clear on there that he was single. But I may be reading too much into it all again.
I was with my ex for so many years I feel completely out of touch with all this does he/ doesn't he fancy me stuff and have forgotten all dating etiquette.

OP posts:

Babynothing · 30/03/2011 00:17

My opinion is that if you like someone just go for it, nobody can predict that future and age is no guarantor of 'maturity', My ex partner was 16 years my senior and had the developmental maturity of a 4 year old!

A good friend of mines parents have an age gap of 6 years and he was only 21 when they met whilst she was divorced with 2 kids! They are happy together 25 years on and for them the 'age gap' was no problem at all.

BTW at 27 you are still really young yourself, please don't start thinking you are old as it is sooo not true!

Anniegetyourgun · 30/03/2011 09:17

I wonder why there is this convention that the man should always be the same age or older than the woman. There's the fertility thing, of course, but you're not likely to both want to carry on popping out children until you're both too old are you? On the other hand women live longer on average, so if you're planning a life partnership it makes sense for the woman to be about 5 - 7 years older! Or is it that women are better at being widows?

Cribbage, date the guy, have fun, learn from each other, and if it doesn't work out, say a fond goodbye. Maturity is far more about people's attitudes than the number of miles on the clock.

mrsSOAK · 30/03/2011 09:25

I dont think its very fair to tar everyone with the same brush (iyswim)
I have never dated younger men as I felt the same way, younger guys are too immature; won't want the same things as me etc etc.
I spent 10 years of my life in a relationship with a lovely guy who was older and thought we were on the same page as each other wanting the same things; turns out I was wrong, he never wanted what I wanted (even tho we had talked and talked about it and he assured me he did, just not 'right now') and when we split I was devasted.
I then met my DH, he is younger than me by 6 years and I thought he was good for a fling, nothing serious. He insisted he wanted a family and to settle down that he had done all the crazy young stuff and I argued with him saying he was just saying what I wanted to hear.
Turns out I was wrong.
We are coming up to our 4th anniversary this year, have a gorgeous DD and he is the most devoted daddy and caring husband. We have our issues as do any couple in a long term relationship but once I got over the 'oh god he's younger than me, he will change his mind etc' things have been good.

JessicaDrew · 30/03/2011 09:32

i was 38 when i met my DH he was 30, but at those ages we were both set in our working, mortgage lives, so it proved no problem amd a bit of bonus when we sold 1 house!

Pagwatch · 30/03/2011 09:39

It is also a cliche that young = immature.
Dh is 7 years younger than me. He was 18 when we metHe has always been more mature than me in many respects, sensible, financially prudent, measured, responsible (and I am pretty sensible myself)

He is also massively funny, spontaneous etc etc. Being young, seeming young, having youthful habits and manners does not mean immature.

But being young should usually affect how long term you want a relationship to be. He may genuinely like you but may have future plans that do not include marriage and children for another decade.

Morloth · 30/03/2011 09:55

pfft 5 years is nothing.

Give him a go, you never know what might happen.

MooMooFarm · 30/03/2011 09:58

Don't let the age gap put you off - and five years is nothing anyway, particularly as you get older. DH is a few years younger than me and he is much more mature than I am, and he's lovely! Who wants to be stuck with an old fart anyway

primrose22 · 30/03/2011 10:13

I agree with what others have said, 5 years isn't much of an age gap.
My dp is 12 years younger than me and is the most level headed, mature and fantastic partner I could wish for. He's hot too but seriously, i really do
think age is just a number, I've watched my lovely friends put up with the most hideous relationships, with older men that behave like children. Good luck crib! x

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