Names changed to protect the innocent - regular poster, been around for, oooh, years. If you recognise me from this post, please don't out me.
I have a friend who, like me is a single mum. I've known her for around 3 years. She split from her abusive ex when her DC was a baby, as did I. I met her shortly after she split from him. My DC is a bit older so I'm a couple of years further down the line. To explain my circs and not drip feed My situ is I work nearly full time hours, don't drive and have little practical day to support (my family are very supportive but live some distance away - I've stayed where I am as I have a steady job, DC is settled and ex is nearby). So life is not 'easy' but I like to be busy and am content with how things are.
However, during the time we've been friends I've become increasingly
worried for her. Without going into detail (not my story to tell) she has had a very tough time since splitting from her ex. Understandably I think after all she has gone through she is lacking in self confidence and pretty anxious/stressed and is need of support. Her DC is lovely, although can be a bit challenging and naughty I guess like all little ones. I know she finds all that a struggle and tbh I can relate.
I've done what I can to help although obv I'm limited with what I can do cos of my own circumstances, but I do try.
On to the situation. Last year she got into a relationship with another bloke who seemed decent but has turned out to be a nasty, abusive piece of work. Again really not for me to go into details as not my story but if I refer you to the 'loser' list at some of you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. At Christmas there was a big crisis involving him which I ended up helping with because she was so distressed.
Now, around a month ago I had gone round to hers to help out with something along with a couple of other friends to find a full scale 'domestic' had broken out with the police involved..all this in front of her young DC :(. Turns out he has been doing all sorts of nasty controlling shit, including telling her she's a bad mother and doesn't know how to bring up her DC. Other friends and myself were encouraging in the strongest terms to say goodbye to loser man.
I'm afraid at this point I felt, for my own mental health that I had to detach a bit because I was finding the whole situation very stressful, affecting my sleep and so on. So although we were keeping in touch by text I wasn't seeing her as much as I previously would have. I know it sounds awful but I had got to the point where my heart would sink after seeing her name pop on the phone. Not proud of that but its how I felt.
Anyway, we finally had a chat last weekend and, well, it turns out she is still with this awful man. My heart just sank. I am worried for her because she is in a vulnerable position but most of all for her DC. If I am being honest I feel it increasingly hard to feel sympathetic to someone who puts her need to be in a relationship above her DC's wellbeing.
Tbh, I am at a loss. Am I too involved? Should I back off or be honest and tell her how I feel.
Any advice gratefully received and with thanks.