Not sure how to feel about this. Do I need to just get over myself?

[madonnawhore]

In a nutshell, a friend of mine slept with a friend of my DP's.

DP's friend has a girlfriend. My friend is single.

At first I was really pissed off with my friend for sleeping with someone's boyfriend and got a bit judge-y. I told DP, who said it was naughty of his friend but ultimately not either of our business. I know he's right but I feel weird about it still. Not sure how to act around my friend when I next see her, but also feeling a bit funny about one of DP's friends being a cheater. Have seen enough threads on here about the danger of being in a group of friends where cheating on girlfriends isn't thought of to be a very big deal, etc...

DP and his friend are very different in personality and don't see a lot of each other to be fair, they're more like hobby buddies really. I just feel gross, like it's too close for comfort or something.

Have I been on MN too long and am being over the top in wanting to tell my friend I think her behaviour is shitty and my DP that I think his friend's behaviour is shitty; or should I just forget about it since it's not really anything to do with me and I trust my DP?

There have been so many affair threads on here lately I have this urge to adopt a very zero-tolerance stand on any pissing around - to make my position incontrovertibly clear!! But perhaps this isn't the opportunity really.

If she says anything about it and therefore is inviting your reaction, then I would just say something along the lines of treating people as you would wish to be treated yourself.

My Dsis was having some sort of online relationship with a MM, I did call her on it because my DH had an affair and she knew the fallout.

She's not in a relationship. He is. The blame is far more his. We don't have to agree with everything our friends do, and I think she'll probably feel "reprimanded" if you say anything to her. The question is this: do you wish to reprimand your friends? (Yes, too much time on MN)

It depends how close you are as friends because bear in mind you telling her that her behaviour is shitty could end your friendship. If you don't think that would happen I would raise the issue of him or when she does, say "didn't you feel bad etc, I could never do that bla bla".

Would also tell DP did not want to spend time with this friend and his girlfriend as would make you too uncomfortable and you would feel you have to tell her. You could drop this into the conversation next time you see his friend. Finally if you're worried, reiterate to DP how you would not take that behaviour- maybe go ott just so he is really clear you think it is unacceptable.

Did she know that he has a girlfriend?

BecauseImWorthIt she knows he was in a relationship but claims that he was vague about whether he was still in one when he invited her over. She says she didn't press the issue because, basically it wasn't her problem to worry about.

That's why I mentioned it to DP, because I thought before I get all strident I'd better at least check whether he'd broken up with his gf or not. Apparently he hasn't.

I got up on my soapbox a bit with my 'I'm a disgusted with her' speech. But when I woke up this morning I felt a bit silly, like I was making a big deal over something that's none of my business really.

If I'm honest I think part of the reason I'm so cross with her is that a few years ago I slept with a woman's boyfriend a few times (I was also single at the time) and I hate myself for it.

I really wrestle with that part of my past and the implications it has regarding the kind of person I have (had) the capacity to be. I now hold myself to really high standards so that I will never, ever do anything like that again; I guess I hold other people to those standards now too.

Maybe that's why I'm so worked up?

I agree with you then - if she knew that he was in a relationship then I would have been cross too.

Both of them are equally 'bad'.

I think it's none of your business. You can tell her what you think but you will probably just get 'fuck off and mind your own business' back tbh.