Why am I suddenly feeling suspicious?

[Ormirian]

DH teaches in a class with 3 female TAs. I've always felt happy with it - I am not a jealous sort. But recently I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. He has been out on several nights out with them - end of term, birthdays, 'hen nights' . Again, fine, we've always done our own thing. But he has also taken to giving one of them a lift home from time to time because her left let her down. Which is great and kind etc etc. So why am I beginning to feel a bit concerned?

Would it be unreasonable for me to ask him to pull back a bit?

you need to work out if you feel jealous OR suspicious it think!!

do you think something is going on?
or has the potential to?
or are you just not seeing enough of him yourself?

"or are you just not seeing enough of him yourself?"

We've never seen a great deal of each other on a day to day basis. That's how our marriage works. I am just possibly concerned about what he is doing when he isn't with me. It's not a concrete feeling just a niggle.

Not unreasonable of you at all to ask him to pull back a bit.

My dh has a PA who has worked for him on and off for years. About a year ago she was texting him a lot and seemed to be relying on him for all kinds of personal stuff. I told dh that my warning radar was beginning to go off and I asked him if should I be worried about his relationship with her. He pulled right back, admitted that things were potentially getting a bit "cosy" and it's all been ok since then.

Thanks barbara.

I am glad that you said that. I just think too many boundaries are being crossed that enable me to be suspicious.

He used to work with builders and brickies - didn't worry about boundaries with them....

Orm when you worry about this, I worry about you!!

What I mean by this is that if you've got a niggle, I'd take it seriously, because this isn't like you at all. Have you been in this woman's company recently and observed how she behaves around your H? Has she been offloading her problems to your H and sharing tales of her unhappy relationship? Does she contact him outside of school? Does she give him lots of compliments?

And what are you noticing about him? Any changed behaviour? Renewed appetite for going into work?

I suppose the other thing is, have you ever had a conversation about friendship boundaries and how they can get blurred and problematical?

I like Barbara's approach... How very mature! :) You could also start with a little joke about it... just to let him know you're getting concerned.

Thanks wwifn, it isn't like me at all. I am worrying myself .

I've not met her - or any of them. Which I think is odd TBH.

Joking is the way to go. I've never been jealous before. I don't think I like it much

He's being extra nice to me. Which is odd too.

I am a great believer in gut feeling - if you are not the jealous sort then you should broach the subject i think

My DH works with loads of women as he works in the media but really i never worry - if a niggle did crop up i would deal with it

Is your relationship strong, though, Orm? If it is, then he might also just be a bit of a harmless flirt. Goodness knows (and my partner knows!) that I'm a flirt, but there's no one out there worth replacing my partner with. I think a little joke is the way to go - and definitely ask to meet them too (you might have more in common with them than he does!).

yes it is strong. Well, strong in the weathered-old oak sort of way, rather than in the hugely passionate and intense sort of way .

You've probably read too much on mumsnet tbh. Men and women can be friendly without shaggeryfuckery it's just hard to remember that in the face of so much 'my bastard dh has cheated on me with 345 women and one of them was a work colleague' stuff.

Maybe so.