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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

oh god, got myself into a right mess and its going to hurt someone

7 replies

eightweekstogo · 29/03/2011 07:19

I was with my ex for six years. In that time he wouldn't talk to me, looked at spending time with me as a "chore", didn't kiss or hug me unless I asked him to and lied constantly to me. He was also controlling and extremely tight.
When he eventually left I loved being single for a while but it soon started becomming a lonely existance. So much so that a few months later when he suggested trying again (but remaining in seperate houses) I agreed to it, even though I KNEW the only reason he wanted me back was because he'd tried his luck with a number of different women who all turned him down. I KNEW he was using me but TBH I was using him too, I just wanted some company and someone to go out with at weekends.

We were both as bad as each other on this score. Anyway I met someone else, at first it was just talking etc, then we went for a meal together, started meeting up for drinks and went away for the day together. Now the situation is I want to develop my relationship with this other man which means I'm going to have to come clean with the ex. Half of me tells me he'll only be bothered because he'll lose his weekend shag but I'm half concerned that actually, he might be really upset. I know I shouldn't care too much, he'd have done the same to me if a better offer came up but I feel really guilty.

OP posts:
lookingfoxy · 29/03/2011 07:21

You don't have to mention the other man, just tell him the relationship isn't going anywhere and you are ending it.

PureNewWoolWithPerfectStitches · 29/03/2011 07:29

Listen to yourself! You know he would dump you in a heartbeat if someone else came along. Don't, whatever you do, give up the possibility of a new (better) relationship to not hurt the feelings of man you describe as unaffectionate, controlling and extremely tight.
Honestly, dump him and give yourself the chance to find happiness.

PeterAndreForPM · 29/03/2011 09:45

Good God

there is no decision to make here

dump the the user and make a go of it with new man

and please don't think being with a man (any man, even one that treats you like utter shit) is better than being on your own

it isn't

ENormaSnob · 29/03/2011 10:46

Dump the loser user.

Bogeyface · 29/03/2011 18:36

He dumped you because he thought he could go and live the life of Riley with a string of new women, except that that didnt happen so he crawled back to you.

What you are doing is only what he tried, and failed, to do to you!

"I would say its been fun, but it hasnt so we're through. See yah!" That should just about cover it!

perfumedlife · 29/03/2011 18:40

Brilliant Bogeyface Grin

OP, why oh why would you give a shit about this cretin and his feelings?

MigratingCoconuts · 29/03/2011 20:06

I don't think you are in a right mess (not compared to some on here Smile). I do think you need to end it with the loser ex. But I think that was always going to be on the cards anyway..even without the new bloke!!

Go, be free...enjoy!!!

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