Lulupop is back

[lulupop]

Hello everybody,
Not sure if there's even anyone who will remember me, but I am back. I started a thread many months back on whether or not I should leave my h. Stressedmummy was in a similar situation at the time. Well, I just thought I'd post an update, since I was without a PC for a while and had no access to mumsnet. My h moved out in March after a screaming row. By that point, I was certain it was for the best for me and the kids. Since then, things have gone from bad to worse and back again, but I am positive about what has happened. H and I were never going to make a go of it - we just didn't see eye to eye on a single thing - and he is paying me and the kids no maintenance, despite earning well over £100K a yr and managing to take himself on 2 holidays in the last 3 months. But I am looking forward to selling our home and moving back near my parents, then starting law school next year and getting back on my feet. I feel the last few yrs with him were like a bad dream, and that I am only now finding out how strong I can be on my own. I have had so much support from family and friends, when before I thought they all liked him a lot and would criticise me if we split. As it turns out, I'm not the only one who thought he was a bit weird! I just thought that if there was anyone who had wondered where I'd gone, you might like to know things turned out alright, and also give a little boost to anyone who's feeling trapped, as I did for so long. My first court hearing's coming up - am dreading it, but have my eye on a future which is clear of him, and the kids and I can begin the rest of our lives.

Hi lulupop, I remember you . I'm sorry to hear that things went the way they did but I'm pleased that you appear to be coming out the other side.

I'm appalled to hear about the lack of maintenance, how is he getting away with that ? Have you taken any steps to get maintenance, solicitor, CSA (although they are useless) ?

You sound very positive about the future, keep strong.

Hi NDP. CSA are crap, especially in my case where most of h's income is from an annual bonus rather than monthly income. CSA will only assess on basis of monthly salary - nice for h. Unfortunately my solicitor has also been crap - basically too busy with more high-fee cases than mine - but I am changing as soon as I can. I have issued for Maintenance Pending Suit, but it looks as though the financial settlement will be agreed before that comes through, so all in all the kids and I are a bit shafted in the short run. But hopefully alright in the long run. And everything h has said and done since moving out has proved to me how absolutely right this split is for me and the kids. He is such an arse. I just can't wait for it all to be finished so that I can get on with living and stop worrying about how I'm going to pay the bills.

Hi Lulupop! So glad to see you back!
Sorry to hear he is still being an arse, but pleased you have had the strength to stay away!
SM, is still in a similar situation & is yet to sort her life out (but kind of getting there!)
So pleased to see you back!

hello lulupop! well done you. your h sounds like my p - well done for standing up to him and not being intimidated, and good luck with sorting out a fair settlement for you and the children.

Just read through this again, lulu, as I had rather a lot of alcahol in my system last night, due to a night out with friends! (my head is suffering this morning!)
It is great to hear you sounding so positive, since your seperation. You really seem to be getting back on your feet again.
Surely he can't get away with not giving you money for the kids?
I thought they were very strict about this.
I have been wondering where you were & how you were doing now, so it's great to hear from you!
There was even a thread a little while back, asking if anyone knew how you were!
I am still living with H ATM, but things are not good & I have started to make steps towards getting myself sorted.
I stopped posting on MN about him, as I thought everyone would have had enough of me, as I was still silly enough to be here.
However, in May, I was so desperate, that I felt I was at breakdown point & decided I needed support from MN.
I have received some amazing support that has really kept me going & encouraged me to take the steps that I have.
I am being seem by my HV on a regular basis, have attended some freedom training sessions, visit a counsellor & am going to meet up with a woman, regarding legal matters, soon.
Hearing your positive attitude is really encouraging for me!
Are you going to have regular access to the internet now?
Hope everything goes well for you & your little ones.

Great to hear from you, stressedmummy. You do sound much more positive than you have in the past, and I hope that feeling stronger helps you to address some of the issues with your h.

I just feel so relieved that soon I'll be shot of the man who has been so nasty for so long. The funny thingis, having had a bit of "therapy", all he does now is project onto me all the negative qualities tht everyone else sees in him. He stopped paying us maintenance the same month he moved into a luxury flat in Pimlico, but that didn't stop him taking himself off to the States for a 2 week holiday, followed by a golfing trip with the lads. Unfortunately, I have a crap solicitor, and she does not seem to have been especially bothered with pursuing my maintenance pending suit claim. The CSA is no gd for me, as most of h's income is from a bonus, which the CSA do not incluse in their caluclations. But I am seeing a new solicitor next week and hopefully things will improve with her.

In the meantime, I have met a lovely man who I've been seeing for a bit and who is great with my kids. It is early days, but being with him has reminded me what it's like to be with a normal person, instead of a bullying know-all. It's great.

Must go as have to take the kids out, but nice to be back here and good to hear from you all.

That's great news, that you have found yourself a nice man Lulupop!
Excuse my bad spelling of alcohol, in my last post! That's what a hangover does to you!!
I must admit, when I read your bit about me being in the same situation as you, last year - I felt a bit cross with myself, for being weak enough to still be in the same situation.
However, I figure that I have moved on a bit from there. Just not done as well as you!
Can't believe your ex is getting away without paying you maintenance, yet is managing to live the high life himself!
Hope that gets sorted out VERY soon.
Last week, I had a week off work & it was really nice, as H was working long 12 hr day shifts.
Both the children & me could be quite laid back in the day, without fear of him blasting off about something.
Today he is off work (although out ATM) & don't we know it!
He has been doing his compulsive cleaning bit all morning, telling me which jobs I must do & has been shouting at poor ds1 a lot.
He shouted at him so badly, for not answering him, earlier, that it even frightened me.
The worrying thing is, ds seems to let it all go over his head & barely reacts to it.
I hate living like this & hope to have my escape plan at the ready soon.
Really encouraging to hear you sounding so happy & positive, now that you are rid of your ex.
Well done for being so brave & making the move!

Hiya Lulupop! So glad to see you back and that things are moving forward for you and your little ones

I'm so pleased that you managed to get through it all and that you have your family's support. You sound so strong and positive and a whole heap better off without him!!

Great to see you back

I don't know if you remember me, I spoke to you about a job ages ago. (I used to be Newbarnsleygirl)

It's quite strange though as I was wondering, only this week, what happened to you.

I'm glad things are working out for you now.

Hi NBG (yes, I do remember you) and Zephyrcat. On the job front, I am actually planning to move back to near my parents, so that they can help out with chilcare when I start at law school next Sept. That will be 2 yrs and then I'll start work - can't wait. Waiting to move is annoying, as we can't sell the house till we've agreed how to divide the proceeds. Needless to say, h thinks I should have only 50% for me and the kids, though that wld mean we couldn't even afford a 1 bed flat, never mind a little house.

Anyway, hopefully we'll settle in the next three months and then the rest of our lives can begin

But more importantly...

Have you got regular access to Mumsnet

Where are you living ATM, Lulu?