Finding it hard being a mum and wife!

[ThisIsHard]

My lo is 10 weeks now. It has got easier like everyone said it would, but now it is hard in other ways - I miss spending time with my husband like we did before lo arrived. Now it is always conversations on feeding and sleep pattens etc - I really miss my old relationship with my husband and finding the new dynamics hard to work out at the moment. Also just finding being a mum quite hard, all the effort you need to put in to meeting new people and trying to work out if you just get along because you talk about babies or if you would have been friends anyway!!! I'm just getting a bit tired and fed up - does anyone else feel like me? I've been fine up until this last few days, perhaps reality is kicking in now, i'm a mum forever!!

ThisIsHard you're right, it is hard! But 10 weeks is still pretty early to worry about this, I promise it gets easier.

I found I too hated getting to know people just because our children were similar ages but some of those people have turned into really good friends and I can see it staying that way once I am ready to have a social life without taking DD!

I think most peoples relationships change when a baby comes along. It is hard to find the same amount of time to devote to being a couple when you have a small baby and their needs come first. It doesn't last forever, I promise.

DH and I used to plan mini-dates around DD's naps or my mum would take her out to the park so we could have lunch together (or catch up on sleep!).

I have also made some lovely friends through MN which I never expected to happen, one of whom I see weekly and absolutely adore her company. Could you try going to a local MN meet? There will be mums of children of all ages and there is bound to be someone that you get on with because of the things you have in common rather than because you both have a 10 week old.

Hello ThisIsHard. Sorry to hear you're finding it a bit tough at the moment.

What you are feeling it so normal for a new mum. My DS is 6 now but I remember feeling overwhelmed at the thought of being responsible for this little person for the next 20+ or more years. A friend told me to just take one day at a time and not to think about it too much.

It's not easy at the beginning, it's all new and added to that, you are tired and probably still a bit hormonal and missing your old life and the spontaneity of just being able to go out whenever you want and spend time with your DH.

It will get easier, it will be different but you and your DH will get back to where you were before. Your lo will add another element to your relationship.

I'm sure someone else will be along to offer more advice soon!

XX

I can recognise these feelings!

What was it about the relationship you had with your husband that you miss? Is there a way it could be reignited?

we're all probably going to say the same thing 10 weeks really isn't long. My DCs are now 2 and 4 and my DH and I do have a relationship outside of the DCs - but it took a while, and in those first few weeks and months especially with your first i wouldn't expect too much of yourself. I found the shock of becoming a mother really hard to deal with - i just didn't see myself like that and similarly felt a bit odd about other new mums etc. the advice not to think about it too much is really good. just do what works one day at a time. and you will get some of the time with your dh back eventually - and better than that can share some real closeness as a family. very best of luck.

Thank You so much! All your messages have really helped and today has been a much better day.

You go through a period of grieving for your old life, like a death. I remember it hit me hard when ds was two weeks old. I suddenly realised if anything happened to him I would need to kill myself Then I realised I would worry until the day I died, and then some! I missed my old life so often at first.

I really stuggled with other mums and toddler group, still don't really care for the whole scene, but if it's a choice between that or isolation, you choose that.

You will get into your groove, it's early days. I actually look back with fondness at the beginning of ds's life, although whilst living it I hated every second.

Not sure that's helping actually, sorry. x